Happy(?) New Year

It’s New Year’s Eve. The first New Year’s Eve in quite some time that I’ve not known just what I’ll be doing at midnight. See, a few years ago, I started spending midnight on New Year’s Eve with my pony Gram. I don’t know why it started, but it was a very important part of my year. I would go to New Year’s parties, but leave in plenty of time to be home for midnight. I ended the old year and started the new year with Gram. And this is the first year without her.
The last few years, I’ve really made a point to appreciate that time that we specifically shared. She was old, at least late 30s, possibly even early 40s (which for any non-horse people is really old). I had been incredibly fortunate to have a pony who lived so long, and there was no telling how much longer she would be around. I’d already said goodbye to her multiple times, when she was in such rough shape that we didn’t think there was any way she would last another month. I’d even driven home from VT as fast as I could by myself so that I could say goodbye to her. But each time, she bounced back. And each time, I learned how much she meant to me. And every year, it became more important for me to ring in the new year with her.

Poor Gram...Over the years, she eventually got used to the fact that she had been saddled with a girl who was a night owl. The first few times I visited her in the middle of the night, she looked at me like I was entirely mental. Then she accepted it, and I think she even enjoyed our midnight chats. At least she enjoyed them when I didn’t turn on the lights and leave her standing there blinking like a startled owl. When I was younger, I would sneak out of the house at night to visit her. Nights when there was a full moon pulled me out there like nothing else could.
When I started going out there, I’d usually hop on Gram’s back. Sometimes we went for a ride, sometimes I just sat there, talking to her and petting her while she ate. The last few years though, as she grew older and less able to hold a rider, I would stand with her. I’d put my arms around her neck while she leaned against me. It was sort of a reversal of our roles. Sometimes she was laying down when I went out. She’d look up and start to get up, then realize it was just me again, and she would relax. I’d sit with her, rubbing her back, and talking to her again.

The whole ‘horse crazy little girl’ thing is such a cliche. Supposedly every little girl goes through that phase. I guess I just never outgrew it. I feel somewhat adrift at the moment though. I knew when I got Gram that she was old. I was 9 and she was over twice my age. But somehow I hoped that she would last forever. And now, there’s something huge missing from my life. One of the key players from my childhood isn’t there anymore. I have the memories, which I treasure, but I can’t go out and put my arms around her neck anymore. I’ll never just about topple over her neck when she decides to abruptly stop during one of our rides. I’ll never see her fall asleep while I groom her tail. And we’ll never ring in the new year together.
It’s a big regret of mine that I wasn’t there when she died. I know my parents were there, and that she wasn’t alone, but had people there who loved her. But I wish I’d been there for my best friend who was there for me always.
But if I had been there when she died, that would mean I’d have skipped this last trip to India, and Leaf and Marius would probably be dead right now. I know Gram liked Cosette when I brought her home last year, and I think she’d approve of Leaf and Marius too. So, yeah, I’m sad and I wish I could spend midnight with Gram, but I won’t sulk all night about it. Instead, I’ll ring in the New Year with my new kids, who mean so much to me. The new generation of animals who are much more than just “pets” to me. Call me crazy, I’m not bothered. I know what the animals in my life have meant to me over the years, and I am perfectly happy to spend time with them on New Year’s Eve.

Quick Confession??? I Can’t Ride

It’s always funny to me when people expect that, because I do horse therapy, I am a great rider. Yeah…it’s not true. Oh, I’ve ridden for ages. I’ve ridden a wide variety of horses, and I’ve done a pretty good job staying on, even when the horse doesn’t necessarily want me to stay on. I’ve even done some shows, though, to be honest, my best class was the ‘ride-a-buck’, where you ride bareback at all gaits, trying to keep a dollar bill in place under your thigh as you ride. Form doesn’t matter, so long as you can keep your seat and control your horse.
This was good for me, because I have never learned to ride ‘properly’. Of course, part of this is because everyone I have ever taken lessons with over the years has had a slightly different view of what proper riding is. And I’ve never taken the time or money to work with one instructor in order to at least learn one proper style of riding.
Oh, I’ve thought about it. I’ve watched people riding at high levels, especially those doing dressage, or reining. Those types of riding look so much like dancing, and I would love to be able to do that.
But what are my priorities? It seems lazy to say that dressage takes too much effort to master, and I don’t want to put the time into it, but it’s true. It’s not just that it’s too much effort and I am lazy. It is that I am not sure that it is worth it to me. Because really, what good is it to anyone but me? Even if I could ride well enough to ride in the Olympics, what would that do in the long run?
But then I do therapy, and realize what I want to do with riding. I want to help people who can’t control their bodies experience what it is to control a horse. I want to help people get over their fears, and the things that are holding them back in life. I want to hear the giggles of a kid bouncing along at the trot, and see the look on the parents’ faces when their child first rides independently.
I love working with horses, but there’s something about working with them while at the same time making a difference in someone’s life. This is what I would prefer to spend my time doing. Oh, it would be nice in a way to be a spectacular rider. But as I have a limited amount of time in my life, I think I’d rather do therapy.

Why to Get an Education

I was wandering around Sydney on a Sunday afternoon, and there were street performers and such all around. One was starting his show off, cracking whips over lit torches to sort of get attention and draw people in.
Standing a few rows back was a little boy watching the performance with rapt attention. He was probably about three years old, a little blond cutie. His Grama (I think) came up behind him and leaned over to give him some advice.

What she said was something along these lines, "If you don't go to school and get an education and then go on to get a good job, this is what you'll end up doing." she sounded absolutely horrified, as though that would be the worst possible outcome for his life. She just kept going on and on about it.
I don't think the kid was even paying attention. He kept leaning away as though she was annoying him, and he just wanted to pay attention to the street performer. Judging by the attention the kid was paying his Grama, and the attention he was paying the performer, I feel like he would prefer the option of becoming a street performer to that of getting an education and a 'good job'.
Really though, what makes a job good? Is it the amount of money you make, or is it the amount of joy you make? From what I've seen of street performers, they are happier than the average person in their average jobs. They may not make much, they depend on the tips that come from the people who watch their performances. But the money doesn't matter to them so much.
If I had a kid/grandkid/some kid I was giving advice to, I would tell them to get an education. I'd tell them to learn what they need to know to do the thing that makes them happy. Learn the 3 Rs as you need to in order to get by in life, but you don't need to get a degree unless it will help you be happy in your life. I would prefer to have the people I care about happy than to have them make heaps of money. Of course, if you can make money while doing what you like, that's always a bonus...  

How Much Less to Dwell in Me?

Sea waves crashing, horses running across a field, clouds roiling through the sky, an old forest without the sound of a single other person in it, a meteor shower. All of these have the effect of bringing me out of myself and making me feel like there is so much more than what is in this body. I exist in a deeper way than what anyone can see. Most people may see a tallish, kind of awkward girl, but there is so much more inside. Unlimited potential if you will.

To the reverse, crowds of people make me feel smaller than I am. Not every crowd. Crowds of students at camp, and things of that nature where I feel that I am doing something worthwhile are fine. But walking through a huge crowd in the city, I feel like I am collapsing inward, like I am becoming only what people see in me.
There's a Third Day song that says,
"All the heavens cannot hold you, Lord
How much less to dwell in me?
I can only make my one desire
Holding on to Thee."
When I see the wonders that God has done, the miracles of his creation, it reminds me of just how big He is. And then to understand that He wants to work through me...I can't even imagine how I could be worthy of that love and how He could even care who I am. But he made me, and he cares for me more than he does for the wonderful things of creation that completely blow my mind. That knowledge makes me understand that I am more than anyone sees, and I can do more than anyone else thinks.

 

The Worth of a Coke

Met a guy the other night. His name is Sam. He and his dog Ty are among the many homeless living in Sydney. I've seen them before, asleep outside the store where I go to buy supper sometimes. They were snuggled together the first time I saw them, the way Cosette and I usually sleep when we're together. Ty was snuggled up to Sam, and Sam had his arms around Ty. Both were fast asleep as though they were not at all bothered where they were sleeping, as long as they were together.
The second time I saw them, it was a cold, rainy night. Ty was eating his supper as I walked out of the store, and I noticed that Sam had several cans of food for Ty, but I didn't see anything for him. Though I suppose he could have been planning to eat dog food as well. I left the store, debating in my mind what I should do. I don't like giving money to beggars. I've had it too pounded into my head while in India that giving money to beggars is a bad thing to do.
I got almost to the top of the stairs and turned around. I needed to do something, I just wasn't sure what.
I went back and said hi to Sam and offered to get him something to eat. He looked up in surprise, like he couldn't believe that someone was actually talking to him. I offered that I could get him some food or something, and he told me he was ok, but would take a drink. He wasn't terribly picky, said a Coke or whatever would be fine.
I questioned then why I turned back. He obviously wasn't in desperate need of food if all he wanted was a Coke. A Coke cost more than I had spent on food all day. They're not exactly cheap here... but that was what he wanted. And I know how good a cold Coke can taste when you get a hankering for one. So, despite the fact that I typically count Coke (at least in Australia) a waste of money, I went back into the store and bought him a Coke.
It took me a while to get through the line. Had a nice little chat with the cashier about the hat I was wearing, and how great handmade items are. Brought a smile to her face, and brightened my day as well. I started to think that maybe Cokes weren't such a waste of money.  
I think that Sam figured I had snuck out of the store without buying him a drink. He looked pretty shocked when I walked up. He thanked me for the drink, and took a sip without meeting my eyes. He seemed shy, not rude, so I asked him his dog's name, thinking that may be an unthreatening topic. Sam's eyes lit up as he told me Ty's name and grew even brighter when I told him what a gorgeous dog he has. Just a small thing to say, but something that will brighten the day of anyone who loves their dog.
We didn't really talk beyond that. Sam was focused on his Coke, and didn't seem inclined to talk. I didn't want to push it, treating him as though he owed me something because I bought him a bottle of pop.
As I walked away though, Sam still had a smile on his face and seemed a little less burdened than he had when I first saw him. And that put a smile on my face as well.
So what was the cost of a bottle of Coke? Something like $3.80. What did it buy? A lovely conversation with a harried cashier, a chance for a few uplifting words to a homeless man, and smiles for all three of us. I'd say it was definitely worth it.
Just a thought... buy someone a drink (my Mom suggested this to me recently, I can't take all the credit), talk to someone about something simple in life. Just do something to bring a smile to someone's face. You never know what you'll affect.

Taking Myself for a Walk on the Beach

 So, I love to walk on the beach. The sound of the waves, the smell of the salt, the feel of the sand and water on my bare toes... really, it's something I've loved as long as I can remember.
But sometimes these walks don't go quite so smoothly as one might expect. See, I walk out onto the beach, and I say to myself, "Ok, I did some beachcombing yesterday. How about if I just go for a walk? Don't pick up shells, don't poke squishy things with sticks, just walk."
And I nod, seeming to agree, when really, I'm already looking for a stick I can use to poke that squishy thing by my foot.
In the spirit of being normal, I wander off to take pictures of the surf and clouds. It takes a lot of effort to walk away from that squishy thing, but I do it.
5 seconds and 3 pictures later, I'm kneeling next to something that could be a plant, or an animal, or part of an animal, debating how likely it is to be poisonous, and wondering if it's safe to poke with my finger since I can't find a stick. I gently remind myself that today, we are not on an expedition, we're on a walk.
Reluctantly, I get up and continue the walk.

This time, I manage about 20 seconds before a brightly coloured shell catches my eye. I scoop it up and put it in my bag.
"Leave it." I tell myself, "You already have one like that."
"No I don't," I mutter with a scowl, "I have 27 like this. I need this one."
I'm off again before I can sort out the logic (or lack thereof) in this reply, gleefully picking up shells and poking squishy things, all attempts at not beachcombing forgotten.
I sigh and shake my head, wondering what it must be like to walk on the beach like a normal person. There's a good chance I'll never know. But hey, I enjoy it, and really, that's the main reason for walking on the beach, right?

One of those squishy things that are all over the beach. 

P.S. I was typing this on my phone while walking on the beach, and finally had to stand still while toying, because it was taking forever. I kept distracting myself by running over to pick up a shell or poke something. It was a problem... and the worst of it is, there's no one to blame but myself.


I was in a bit of a goofy mood today...I feel like this is one of those social media posts that one does not want a potential employer to read...

 

Planning Ahead? Totally Overrated...

I’m not entirely certain how smart this trip to Australia was. Simply because it was sort of a spur of the moment thing. I mean, it wasn’t exactly a planned thing…I probably should have put some thought into it. I mean, it’s one of those things that a lot of people say they want to do, but they don’t actually do it. And I spent a couple of months debating where I actually wanted to go (stay in Asia, or go to Australia… those were pretty much the ideas in debate), then decided on Australia based more on the fact that I knew people in Oz who plan to move back to the States next year, so basically it’s a matter of decent timing.

At one point, a week or so before I left India, I sent a message to a friend, saying I’d be going to Australia, and did he have any suggestions for what I should see. He was amused by how casual I was about going to Australia, though really, I guess my thinking tended more toward the fact that I was leaving India (which I’m still amazed and surprised by even after all this time) to go to another western country. Not that I don’t like western countries, but it doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. So basically, I came to Australia with no plan aside from flying into Perth, spending some time with a friend there, and flying out of Sydney. In between, I had a bit over a month and a half to play with.

If you travel like most people, I am guessing this manner of travel would not even enter your mind. Unfortunately, the intelligent idea of thinking things through doesn’t always really occur to me. But for me, that’s ok. I’m (mostly) ok with not knowing what is coming up next. Oh, I have moments where I have a little meltdown, and rant for a few minutes about why I am stupid enough to not make plans. My Mom enjoys that part :~) After a little while though, I sit down and work out what my next step will be. Soon, things are sorted, and I am on my way again. The trip goes one step at a time, and I have a basic idea of what is happening, though beyond that, I’m not sure. I’ve just started to laugh when people ask me where I’m going next…

Favourites of the week 27/4-3/5

You often see a few cows or buffalo or whatever meandering down the street, but my favourite is when there is a whole big herd blocking everything. And they couldn’t care less if people are honking or trying to get around them. They take their own sweet time doing whatever they want to do at the speed they choose.

I was walking and saw a couple of pigs, then the more I looked, the more I saw. They blended in so well, and I was surprised to finally see just how big the herd was.

There were a lot of birds in this field, but most were smaller birds. This was the only bird of prey there. He sat there regally, as though surveying his kingdom. However, I wonder, when I see birds like this, do they feel lonely? Are they happy to be perched there on their own, or do they want a friend or a mate there? Are some creatures created for solitude? It might make life a lot easier.

All of this area was spotted with fires where people were burning rubbish. It filled the little valley with a haze of smoke. And then I saw this guy standing in the midst of it all, talking on his phone. He looked completely mellow, as though he wasn't surrounded by smoke and fires. I'm sure it was just sort of everyday life, but it was an impressive look.   



In a way, I was disgusted by the fact that this was actually a blanket of smoke from burning rubbish. Not exactly the thing that you want escaping into the sky. But sometimes, less than ideal situations can make for a really neat photo. I like the way the Moula Ali dargah is rising out of the smoke in the background.  



A political rally going through town. Everyone gets involved with it, and it's crazy hard to get anywhere. Fun to watch though. I stopped at a little shop for a cup of sugarcane juice, and watched the 'parade' go by for some time.

This guy was surprisingly friendly considering the twitch scar on his lips and various other scarring on his head. He kept wanting more attention and would whicker at me when I walked away. He is a full grown stallion, but acted like a foal when he had someone who was nice to him. Another example of a horse who doesn't seem to have many reasons to trust people, but does anyway.

A sweet little baby. It had been so long at this point since I was around horses, so to be able to spend some time with a foal was super fun. His Mom had a bit of an attitude though, and every time I went to pet this little one, the stallion in the next stall (see picture above) would try to call me back to give him attention.

Went out for a drive and discovered I wasn't terribly far from where I stayed while I was in B'lore last year. And it was a beautiful evening to boot.

Favourites of the week-20/4-26/4

 No matter how much I fly, I don’t think I’ll probably ever get to the point where I don’t care about the gorgeous cloud formations. When the clouds are like this, it looks as though one could walk across them without sinking through. It feels that you would find unicorns or dragons or any number of mysterious creatures in the crevices and spaces of the clouds. I know it doesn’t really work that way, but it doesn’t stop my imagination. Honestly, who knows what is in the sky?

 

 The night I got home from traveling, I found this little guy inside my mosquito net. It took quite some time to get him out, as he sort of panicked and ran all around the inside of the net. I was afraid I’d smoosh him.
Anyway, the lizards were definitely the best part of that flat.

 I was buying some fruit and happened to glance out the door to see this. So flipping cute, and right in the middle of town. Pretty sure the fruit seller thought I was nuts, because I stopped right in the middle of paying for the fruit, ran outside with my camera, and took a couple of pictures. There was no way I was going to pass up an opportunity to get this picture. Mini donkeys sure do seem better behaved here. But perhaps I just have the world’s most spoiled mini donkeys…

Right after I took this picture, the dog freaked out and tried to attack me. Fortunately, I wasn’t close enough that he could reach me, because I think he was genuinely ready to kill me.

Right place at the right time, and I thought the sun over the tower made it look like a candle. I like the way it lined up just right.

The background of a village built on rubbish behind an elderly man and elderly walls provides an interesting contrast. You’d think you could never find dignity in places such as this, but there is dignity, love, honour, etc., everywhere you go.

I quite like goats. And they photograph well. I’m not sure what this one was focused on, but it was incredibly still for a goat. They usually enjoy bouncing around.  

This pack of dogs was walking around as though they owned the place. I liked how it turned out with the dogs being the main focus of the picture, though I was originally taking a picture of the wall behind them.

Old walls with the modern town behind them. There is such a mix of old and new all throughout India. It is always intriguing to me. I wish I knew the history behind it.

Moula Ali Durga overlooking the city.  Some things crumble, some things remain standing. There’s no telling when you build/write/design/make something how long it will last, but what matters is the joy you take in making it in the first place. It is better to feel joy while making something that will last only 5 minutes rather than to be miserable making something which will last 500 years. This at least is my opinion.

This boy’s smile makes me smile. It is such a beautiful smile. He was right in the middle of the other boys there. There were several younger boys, who were innocent and silly. Then there was a handful of older boys, who were bordering on creepy. This one was right in between age-wise, but his smile shows him to be far more innocent without tending toward creepy.

I like sunsets. I love INDogs. Need I say more?

I’m not even sure how I saw this little toad. It was dark, there were no streetlights, but somehow I saw him. Maybe passing headlights. I like seeing things when I can’t work out how I managed to see them.

Brave Knights and Heroic Courage

I was watching Merryn, the 4 year old daughter of a friend the other day. I had been watching Doctor Who before she came in, and she didn’t want to switch it. I was much happier to continue watching Doctor Who than I would have been watching Barbie, or other things of that nature which Merryn usually likes to watch. But I was a little concerned about giving her nightmares. When I asked her though, if it was too scary, she pointed to the Doctor and informed me that he would save everyone. This was her reason for not being scared. And apparently when was telling the truth, because her Mom told me the next day that there were no nightmares. Because she understood that somehow, the Doctor would make everything ok.

C.S. Lewis said, “Since it is likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.”
I’ve always been impressed with Merryn’s parents being cautious about how much “scary” stuff she’s allowed to watch. But she’s at the age that she can understand things like good and bad now.
If I have kids, they will learn from a young age about knights and courage. Lewis’ Narnia books are a good start for that. And Doctor Who. Stories that show that not everything will be perfect, but everything will become right at some point.
Courage and fear are the two options available to a child, and I would much sooner my children learn of courage.

 

Favourites of the Week 13/4-19/4

Sunset from the train. Water and sunsets are two things I have way too many pictures of. It's something of an addiction...

This guy was trying to calm his horse who wanted to run down the hill. Most of the guys I've seen stay on their cart no matter what, and don't make much of an effort with their horses. So it was nice to see this guy actually taking care of his horse. 

Camouflage dog...

This was at a place where people come to bathe in the river, believing that it will give them a free ticket to heaven. Men are there in shorts and no shirts, or just in their underwear, but women still have to stay covered up, even when bathing. Many of the women were very serious, collecting water in jars, or just sort of sitting and watching others, but once in a while, I'd notice small groups of women throwing water at each other and laughing and chatting. Just sort of a different side to things.

Pretty sure I just like this because of the colours and the flow of the fabric. Nothing major about it.

They have the statue of their 'god' with his back turned to them. I thought that seemed significant. They're coming to basically wash their sins away, and he's not even acknowledging them.

This little guy was just so cute. Someone was feeding scraps to him and his brother, and I thought he was adorable

This one picture has so much in it, I'm not sure what I like the best about it. I guess the combination of everything. I have separate pictures of each element, and they're ok, but not all that great. I really like this picture though, with all of them together. 

They were filming a movie across the river, and this little girl sat there staring at the actresses for a long time. She was probably supposed to be begging, but she took a break to just be a little girl and watch the actresses in their beautiful dresses.

Again, no real reason. I just like it. Which I'm ok with

Favourites of the Week 6/4-12/4

This guy made the best roti I've ever had. Oh my goodness... best part of breakfast almost every morning while I was in Jammu. He seemed a little unsure of why I was taking a picture, but then seemed happy that I wanted to.

And then he wanted me to take another picture because he wanted to be sure that his wife was in the picture too. She was quite embarrassed by it, but I thought it was sweet that he was so concerned that she was in the picture too.



This little guy was in Delhi. There was such chaos; cars, motorcycles, buses, autos, so many things moving at higher speeds, then there was this little dude, jogging through town with his massive load. It always strikes me as funny, this mix of modern and ancient that one sees in any town around India.

I was a little confused by this place. There were homeless people all around, and yet there were piles of food all around the statue, attracting birds and dogs and such. You could see it from a long way away; not really the statue, but the birds soaring and wheeling around. 
In a way, it made me sad. You expect pigeons and suchlike to be flocking around statues, among droves of people, between two busy streets, but not birds of prey. Birds of prey are supposed to be majestic, aloof, above it all. Not chasing desperately after the leftovers of the human world.  

I usually hate cockroaches. Not enough that I kill them (I don't even kill mosquitoes...), but I can't stand having them in my house. Maybe it's because it wasn't my house, and I was there only for a few days. Maybe it was because I was depressed over too much death in my life the previous week, and needed something to take my mind off of it. I'm not sure. But I watched this cockroach for quite a while that evening. It didn't come toward me, but it didn't seem terribly concerned when I drew close to take the picture either.
God put a certain beauty into bugs, though most people don't see it. There is such design, and such delicate functionality. I realize that I am in the minority thinking this, but that's ok.



These two pictures of seemingly abandoned bicycle rickshaws may not have been taken another day. I noticed them more on this day, because they looked depressed, abandoned, and dead. This day was a week after I found out that my Uncle died, and the day after I found out my pony died. Needless to say, I was pretty down as I walked around. I was trying to keep my mind on more positive things (I get enough attention walking down the street, no need to randomly burst into tears), but I feel like some of my pictures from that day reflected how I felt. 



And then in the middle of my walk, I saw a dinosaur, standing there in the middle of everything. It was one of those things that was so random that I didn't even know what to think right then. It was actually advertising a science museum, which was a surprisingly good distraction for my mind. It at least made me think about things outside of myself so my thoughts did not remain in a swirling vortex inside my head. And it all started when I saw this dinosaur.