Love in Spite of

In 2009, I had my 1st experience with Leg Up in Ooty. At that point, there were only 3 ponies; Lily, Hercules, and Orion. And only one of those ponies was truly ride-able. Orion was still too young, and Hercules just hadn't had a lot of work. Hercules became one of my projects that year, because I was just lightweight enough to ride him, but big enough to sort of control him. Sort of.

Hercules had this trick he liked to pull when he didn't want to go where he was asked to go. He would pull his head down and to the left as hard as he possibly could, trying to pull his rider over off balance so they would let go of the reins. The biggest problem with this was that Hercules was not concerned by the fact that this pulled him off balance just as badly as it did his rider. So we would be standing on the edge of a road right by a drop-off, and he would be thrashing around, making himself stumble all over the place. The possibility that we would hurtle to our deaths did not deter him in the least. Of course, he is half-blind, so perhaps he was just unaware. Suffice it to say though, that he was not very pleasant to ride.

And he really didn't improve a lot over the next few years. Oh, he was ridden, but it was never a case of someone saying, "Oh my! I want to ride Hercules!" And he never seemed to be terribly keen on being ridden, whether for therapy, or just for pleasure. It just wasn't his thing. Some horses enjoy being ridden, while some aren't too interested.

But there seemed to be nothing that he really enjoyed. Unless it was hanging out in the pasture and chasing anything smaller than him. He really needed something to do. Horses, in spite of the fact that they sometimes try to convince us otherwise, are actually happier when they have something useful to do.

Somehow though, I found myself absolutely loving Hercules. He was a pain, and acted like a brat half the time, but I felt drawn to him. I really wanted him to enjoy work, and I wanted to be able to enjoy working with him. But we just weren't sure what to do.But still, any time I needed a pony to just cuddle with, he was my choice.

Suddenly though, we had a new option given to us. While Mala was in the States, she got a pony harness. Hercules was the logical candidate to learn to drive. He was the only one that wasn't useful as a riding horse (At the time, we thought Orion was dead), and he was in desperate need of something to do. We did not have the harness yet (it was on it's way. Mala didn't have room to bring it back with her), but I used that month while we waited for the harness to ground drive and lunge him, teaching him the basics, and teaching him to respond to voice commands. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he picked up quickly on what I was teaching him. It was especially nice as I was making up half of it as I went along. I knew the basic idea of what I was trying to do, but had never taught a horse to drive. I was praying I didn't completely fail. It was a little nerve wracking. Of course, I went into it saying, "Oh yeah, I can do this." and hoped I was telling the truth :~)
To be quite honest, I was a little shocked by how quickly Herc picked up on what I was teaching him. Especially since we were learning together. And he seemed to be enjoying himself. That was the really cool part.
I took a couple of trips down the mountain to find a cart that would fit Hercules. We needed something that was within our price range, and as lightweight as we could find since it will mostly be used on hills. The successful trip ended up being lasting from about 9:30 am til about 2:30 am the next morning. But we had our cart! And it looked amazing. And we got the harness that same day. Things were coming together.
I put the harness on Herc, and he was adorable, but then we went to camp before I had a chance to hitch him to the cart. I was a little concerned that he would be scared of the cart, and all of my work would be for nothing. I was super excited to hitch him to the cart, but a little apprehensive at the same time.
And finally, the day came. With Mala's help, I got Hercules hitched to the cart, and he acted like it was nothing. I ground drove him around the ring with the cart attached, and he barely even seemed to notice it. Then I got in the cart. And he acted like he had been pulling the cart for ages rather than just a few seconds. I drove him around for a while, and he seemed very eager and excited and not at all nervous. He stumbled a couple of times as he got used to pulling the cart, and the way that it felt when a wheel hit a rock, but he quickly found his stride again. I was crazy proud of him. It was incredible. Mala drove him, then went up to get Abbi so that she had a chance to drive. He listened so well no matter who was driving him, and pulled Abbi and me together without any problem.

And he has progressed since then. We drive out on the road, and though he still is a bit frightened of buses and huge trucks (the boy is half blind, and they make terrible noises as they come hurtling toward us. He probably thinks they're dragons coming to eat him or something), we are working on getting him over that, and he is doing better. I was a little concerned that he would decide he didn't like me as I am the one who made him do all of this work, but he is even friendlier toward me than he has ever been. He whickers at me, and comes to me just to cuddle for a little while. It's really neat, because now, that affection I felt for him is joined by pride I feel for the progress he has made, and the work we have done together. It is so nice to see him being useful, and enjoying himself as he is useful.

I was telling Mala the other day that it is ironic that Hercules would be the one I worked with so much this trip considering the fact that I liked him even when there was really no reason to like him. And now there are reasons to like him, and I like him all the more for it. But I still love the little knock-kneed, half blind pony that is a complete stinker when he wants to be. Useful or useless, I love him in spite of all the reasons I shouldn't.  

Dust?

I close my eyes
only for a moment
and the moment's gone
all my dreams
pass before my eyes in curiosity
dust in the wind,
all they are is dust in the wind 

Same old song,
just a drop of water
in an endless sea
all we do,
crumbles to the ground
though we refuse to see
dust in the wind,
all we are is dust in the wind 

Don't hang on
nothing lasts forever
but the earth and sky
it slips away
and all your money,
won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind
dust in the wind
everything is dust in the wind 
dust in the wind


This song used to really, really bother me. I hated the thought that we were dust in the wind. I was having a real struggle at that point with my faith, and figuring out what I believed, and going through a tough time of questioning God. It got to the point that if Dust in the Wind came on the radio, I would freak out until it was changed. Which really made Carla mad because she liked it a lot. 
Then I had myself convinced for a while that the song was totally wrong. We're not dust in the wind, because we have God who gives meaning to our lives. But even that thinking was a bit skewed. So here is my opinion of Dust in the Wind now. 
For the most part, the song is true. Moments don't last. The things that we build don't last. For example, I have spent a lot of time teaching Hercules to drive in the last couple of months. And I and other people will spend a lot more time working with him. And one day, he's gonna die, and all of that work will be totally obsolete. Not to be negative, that's just the truth. 
If you miss the moments in your life, your money won't buy you any more. But that isn't the end. The earth and sky are not the only things that last forever, and that is where we have hope that is not mentioned in this song. The physical things that we do will not last. They will fade like flowers, and blow away like the dust. But if we make a spiritual impact through the physical things that we do, that will not fade away. 
So much of what I worry about are things that will crumble away. And why do I worry about them? I don't worry about the dust in the arena that I walk through every day. I need to learn how to focus on the things that matter, not that which will blow away. It's hard. Sometimes the "right now" seems like it will be important forever. But if I only have so many moments, I want to spend this fleeting time pursuing things that will last. In that way, I can make each fleeting moment into something that will last. It's like Rumpelstiltskin turning straw into gold. And gold is something that will last rather than blowing away. 

This Changes Everything

A year ago right now, I was in Vermont, working at a Friesian farm, with 12 baby Friesians running around, gorgeous barns, the top Friesian stallions in the world, etc, etc. I was getting riding and driving lessons by people who REALLY knew what they were talking about (infrequent lessons, but they were good lessons when we got them), riding beautiful horses that were worth thousands of dollars. There was a Friesian stallion (the little guy that everyone laughed at because he was too short to be a stallion, but still...) that I was allowed to drive whenever I wanted to. We used nice gear for anything we were doing. Lovely carts and harnesses, dressage saddles that are worth way more than I could ever afford. All of the horse people I knew said that it was an awesome opportunity for me. And it was. Kind of...
But there were problems there. And even when there weren't blatant problems, I would chat with my Mom, and tell her that being there just made my soul ache. I enjoyed being around the horses, but I wasn't doing anything of real use. I worked every Sunday, and it took me over a month to find a church that was relatively close that had evening services that I could attend. And until I found a church, I had no one to talk to about God stuff. And that was harder than I ever guessed it would be. I could chat with people on fb, but my phone didn't even work most of the time. It was rough not having anyone.
Valley Bible Church really affected my time in VT. I would have had a meltdown without it. And especially without the Griffins (the Pastor's family). One night after church, I was just hanging out, trying to avoid going back to the farm, because I was so much happier at church. I told Kathy that was what I was doing, and she invited me over to have coffee and watch a movie. We watched Sabrina, a romantic comedy, nothing too spectacular. But it was an amazing night. One of those nights that, even though I was out a bit late, I felt refreshed afterward.
But still, for most of the week, I just felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I wanted to do something that would benefit people. I was learning, but not very much that I could use to help people. Most of my time was spent on basic farm maintenance type jobs that really only benefited the owners of the farm. The times I felt I was doing something truly useful were few and far between.
And now I am here. And it is a far cry from where I was last year. Most people would say that I have taken several steps down. Far from the Friesians, I now works with a mish-mash of horses. One is a Marwari, which is still a fairly impressive breed (though far less known), and then we have a large, white pony that could almost pass for a horse. But after that, we have 3 ponies that have pretty typical pony attitudes. One is still getting over an injury that he keeps re-opening, one just doesn't like being ridden, and one is the epitome of a mare.
My driving horse is a little half blind pony that is still working on getting over his terror of buses. Our tack is a bit on the random side, and a little worse for wear. And we have to be very careful to keep it from being stolen. Our barn is a little building with one stall and a feed room. Our arena isn't quite level, and has lots of rocks in it. 
There are various other reasons that being here with Leg Up would look like a step down. But let me tell you, it is anything but. Leg Up is a huge step up. And there is one thing that makes a difference. God. God is the reason for the work we are doing here. It is not just to get glory, or make money; it is to change lives. And we are not the ones changing lives, he is. I don't have to say, "Ok, come with me and my little blind pony, and we will make your life spectacular!" I can just be there, willing to follow what God wants, and listening to him, and he will use us. It doesn't matter how ill-equipped we are in the eyes of the world. Some people would look at the horses we have, and the things we deal with, and say that nothing could come of this. But in some ways, that seems to work better. It isn't about us. It's not about how spectacular our horses are (though trust me, each one is amazing), it is how amazing our God is.
My soul doesn't hurt when I am here. No, things aren't entirely perfect, but perfection is not found anywhere on earth. There are so many moments here though that I look around, and I think how amazingly blessed I am. I am allowed to be here, and to be part of what is happening here. God has put me into situations in life that have prepared me to be here. Even last summer, learning how to drive a horse, taught me something I needed to know here.
I sit with the other volunteers talking about God, and how we can spiritually affect the girls, and it's wonderful to have like-minded people. Oh, that's not all we talk about. We get some pretty random conversations going. And there is nothing at all wrong with that either.
Even in the hard times, I am learning, and my soul is being strengthened. Every negative moment can be turned into good when one is willing to listen. God is great!

What's in a Name?

I've recently had people asking about the name of my blog, or making weird faces when they see the title, so I thought I'd clear things up and explain the meaning.
Dragon on my belly really has no significance. Last winter, I was given a bearded dragon; something that I have  wanted for some time. Pretty much anytime I was just sitting around watching tv, or reading, or knitting (or all 3 at the same time), I would bring Kazul (the beardie) out of her tank, and hold he for a while. Bearded dragons are known for being the friendliest lizards. Kazul liked to lay on my stomach, soaking up my body heat since it was cold out. Every time Mom would ask me to do something, I would say, "I can't, I have a dragon on my belly."
So we started making up a goofy poem that started out with "Dragon on my belly...", then each line used goofy words that rhymed with belly. When I was thinking about publishing a book of poetry (which is in the works, let me know if you want one), that name was suggested as a title. And I liked it. Around that same time, I was trying to come up with a blog name. I hate making up names for things like this. I was getting really annoyed, and almost just gave up on making a blog, because I couldn't come up with a name. So since it was something that had been floating around, I grabbed the title "Dragon on my Belly".
So there you have it. There is no deep, spiritual meaning to the title; I do not have a dragon tattooed on my stomach; there is really not much meaning at all. Just a family joke. I hope you enjoy the blog anyway :~)

Bucket List Year

I feel that I know a little how I would answer the question, "What would you do if you knew you only had a couple of months to live?" I know it's not that extreme, but it's still hard. I'll only have about 6 months at home...What are the important things?
I feel like I will be stripping down this next year to the things that really matter to me. And maybe I'll be surprised to learn what those things are. But then again, maybe not. Even before I made up my mind (well, my head wasn't made up, but my heart was sort of doing its own thing), I was already beginning to see what I was clinging to. I want my Dad to teach me to drive a motorcycle. Someone here could, but I want him to. That's something I should learn from my Dad. I want to sit and talk with Mom for hours about everything, no matter how big or small. I want to go hiking with Steve, and visit Carla for some quality time. I want to spend time with Gram, Chip, Shadow, and other animals I've grown up with, who won't understand what's up.
I feel so frightened and elated at the same time. I have no idea what to think, so sometimes I just try to avoid thinking. But that's not really an option. I have to make a firm decision one way or another. This whole time, I have been up and down. One second, I'm certain that I will be coming here, and the next second, it scares the heck out of me. But I guess even in that, I've still been pretty sure the whole time that I would be moving here.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never heard of Leg Up. Then I wouldn't have this choice to make. But that's no solution.
Right at this moment, I sort of feel stuck. I still have 3 weeks here before I can go home and get ready to come back. I feel like I am poised on the edge, just waiting to leap, but something is holding me here for a little while longer. Like Judy, Jimmy, and the Cinnamon Bear, stuck on the wave as they tried to get to the Island of Obi (a story that is a family road trip tradition). I am very eager to get home, as, once I get home, I am able to start preparing to return. And when I return, we can really get things going. I'll have my own place, and a motorcycle (hopefully), both of which will give me more time to get things done. Right now though, we're planning and preparing, but can't implement so much when I'll be gone for 6 months.
I think that's where the majority of my hesitancy at the moment comes from. Not that there's really even all that much hesitancy though. Sometimes there is, and I am sure there will be once I get home and face the prospect of leaving. But basically, I think it will be ok. I really feel that this is what I am supposed to do.
So even though this summer could prove to be an emotional one, as I prepare to leave, I plan to make it a great one. And yeah, maybe a lot of my plans would look silly to other people; they'll say that I am not making good use of my time. But it will be things that matter to me. Like riding around the mail route with my Dad, and going shopping with my Mom, and going for walks with my grandparent's dog, and things like that. Those things I take for granted, but that matter. And when I leave, I hope to be truly content about how I've spent my time. 

The Labours of Hercules

Today was a huge day! For Leg Up, for me, and probably most of all for Hercules.
Today was Herc's first day truly driving. We've been doing quite a lot of ground driving in preparation for this, but didn't know how he would feel about the cart. So we had an adorable pony in a harness, and a cute cart, and today was the day to put them together. Mala and I worked together in case he had any issues, but he handled everything like a champ. He didn't even flinch when the shafts came along beside him, then he stood patiently (mostly patiently) while we adjusted the harness and figured out just how to go about hitching him up.
I ground drove Hercules once around the arena to see how he would react (everything we do, we're taking it fairly slow. We don't want to rush and get him or anyone else hurt). He was totally calm, so I got in the cart, and we were off. The first couple of times around, he was a little confused about the shafts along his sides, and every time the wheel hit a rock (which there are plenty of in the ring :~) ), he would stop. But with reassurances and encouragement, he kept going, and in a short time was acting like he had been driving for quite some time.
Mala drove him, then got Abi, who was home sick from school. You know the girl loves horses when she's sick and will still come all the way down to the ring for a chance to drive :~). And Hercules performed beautifully. He has never seemed really happy in any job we have given him until now. He seemed happy, and even with two of us in the cart, and him doing a lot of trotting, he was barely even warm, and wanted to keep trotting.
I was about ready to pop. I am so proud of Herc! It has only been around 8 weeks (at the most, I'm not sure of the date when we started) since the time he was like, 'Ground driving? What's that? Aren't you supposed to be on my back when you have the reins?'
We still have plenty of work to do, but he has come so far. He really is a phenomenal little pony. Can't wait to try therapy with the cart...

Why we do what we do

I posted this on the Leg Up facebook page, and thought I'd put it here too. Sometimes it is good, even when you are passionate about the cause you are working with, to write down why you are passionate about it. There is a lot of skepticism toward horse therapy sometimes, and I know that I will run into it. So I wrote this to remind myself what the reasons are for doing horse therapy. I can look back at this on those days that everyone says I am crazy, and I can say, "No! I know why I am doing this, and it is worth every bit of hardship. These are my reasons, and I won't back down."
So here it is:
We do what we do because we see that it works. We see the smiles, we see lives being changed, and we know that God is rejoicing over us as we use his creation to reach his children.
When people are willing to stand in the rain so their child can have therapy, we know that it is making a difference. When we see the girls' confidence growing, or see one of the kids who is able to sit up on their own a little better, we know we are giving them a better chance at life.
Yeah, sometimes it's hard. It's a little uncomfortable walking around soaked to the bone because you've been caught in a rain shower. There are times that the horses don't behave the way we want them to, or traffic is backed up like crazy because of the tourists, or a horse is sick, or any number of things. Working with animals is always less predictable than sitting down with a cup of tea and talking about life. And then when you throw in the Indian culture with their, 'eh, we'll get there when we get there.' mentality that makes it ok to say you'll be there in 5 minutes when you really know it'll be an hour or two, things get interesting.
But even when things are tough, if you see that you are making a difference, it is easier to continue. You can't give up, because you will let those who are counting on you down. And people do count on these ponies. God can use everything, and through Leg Up, he uses 4 ponies to improve the lives of 5 girls and 9 children with handicaps. And the program will only progress from here.
And that's why we do what we do. God has given us an opportunity to reach lives using a somewhat unorthodox method, and we are going to run with that and continue the work he has given us to do.