10 Things

Something I did on FB and thought I'd repost here. With photos :~)

1. Most people think I have no people skills. That’s not true. I have brilliant people skills. When I feel like using them. I usually don’t think it’s worth it, so I don’t bother. I have better things to do with my time.

2. I don’t say “I love you” to someone unless I really mean it. And I am not just talking romantically. I don’t say it to friends/acquaintances unless I genuinely mean it. And I don’t like it when people say it to me when they don’t know me, and it’s just a thing to say.

3. My biggest fear in life is probably wasting my time. Making a wrong choice and ending up stuck doing something I am not supposed to be doing. Or not making a choice and sitting around waiting before realizing that I’ve been waiting for a year and nothing has happened at all.

4. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would lose my passport for assault, there is one person I know who I would beat the crap out of given half a chance. I’m not proud of this, but it’s true. In general, I wouldn’t do anything of that sort to someone. There is only one person who would get that reaction out of me.

5. I have become completely addicted to Doctor Who in this last year. It’s definitely my favourite tv show. Especially the seasons with David Tennant :~).

6. I really like my middle name. I think my parents chose a good one. But I don’t tell a lot of people what it is. It just feels a bit too personal.

7. The best movie I have seen since coming to India is Warm Bodies. Haven’t been very impressed with new movies recently, but this one was good. Who would have thought I’d like a zombie movie that much?

8. There’s this trail here that I have kinda decided must be one I am not supposed to take people on. It’s just one for Cosette and me to hike on. Tried to take my folks, but we just didn’t have time. Tried to take Carla, and she got really sick and we had to turn around halfway. I don’t think I’m gonna try to take anyone else.

          

9. Favourite colour? Purple. Pretty much my whole life for some reason.

10. I love dressing up and looking beautiful. I often don’t do it, because people make too big of a deal about it. But I really do enjoy it. 

Babes and Dogs

I’ve had people tell me that I am a bad person, no one likes me, I have a lot of things wrong with me, etc., etc. And for a while, it really upset me. It’s hard not to believe those things when you hear it all the time. But I knew that wasn’t who I am.
I was on a mission trip once, and was having a bit of a struggle because of the negative things I have been told in my past. Then another member of the team told me something which has stuck with me since then. She told me that she knew I had a good heart, and that it was really a good heart, because any little kid we were around came instantly to me. During church services, I was fairly buried under the little kids (probably about 8 and younger) who wanted to be with me. They wanted to constantly be touching me, whether it was a hand on my arm, or my arms around them, or sometimes they would rub my belly :~)
Another reason she gave was the street dogs. Even without any encouragement from me (I didn’t try to get them to come up, knowing that someone else on the team would kick them, trying to get them to go away), the street dogs were always coming up to me. I’d be standing in front of the church, and look around, and there would be dogs sitting right by me, looking at me.
She said that when someone has a good heart, small children and animals are drawn to them. She didn’t know the reason, just said that’s how it works.
I was reminded of that the other day when I was driving through town. I was sitting at a red light, and glanced to the side of the road. There was a dog standing there, perfectly still, watching me. Maybe I smelled like Cosette (she wasn’t with me at the time), I don’t know. But it was similar to things I’ve experienced before. In Mumbai, I was walking around, and a street dog started following me. The guy I was with kept chasing her away, and as soon as he turned his back, she was back at my side, following along happily.
So anyway, there will probably be plenty of people who will say this is nonsense, and that I am a bad person in general, no matter what little kids and dogs seem to think about me. But I can’t help but think she’s right when I am being followed around by little girls, who are holding my hand and chattering my ears off. I’ve not done anything to try to get them to like me, it just happens.

Christmas Music

I was laying awake last night, with a Christmas song stuck in my head. It was a version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Don’t remember who it is by, but my main memories of this song are from when we played it during the Christmas season at the Crossroads Polo Campus.
It was so much fun. It was one of those whole family songs. Dad was doing tech, Carla and Mom were on keys and singing, Steve was on guitar and singing, and I was on bass and singing. It was one of those cases where it was either going to go as we planned, and be spectacular, or it was going to completely bomb. It was a fairly complicated song, with interesting piano pieces, and even a bit of Carol of the Bells thrown in, just to make things more complicated.
We finished the song, and it was amazing! Everything meshed together the way it was supposed to. It was one of those songs where, as you finish, you feel this sense of elation, because it was so good, better than we expected it to
be.
Pretty sure that was the last Christmas we played music together. And the last Christmas that we were together as a family. Well, the last Christmas we were together as the 5 of us who are supposed to be together. We are still most definitely a family, it’s now just that it is the 4 of us, not the 5 of us.
Sometimes memories suck. Feelings and emotions suck. I love Christmas music, I really do. But I hate these feelings that it brings sometimes, those moments where I think, “Man, we should do that song for church.”, and I remember that we won’t do it. At least we won’t all do it. Because Steve isn’t part of our family anymore. He’s made that choice, and I think he’s the one the least affected by it. And I don’t like that it changes my feelings about Christmas music.
But feelings and emotions are what make me love Christmas music in the first place. The feelings I get when I hear or sing Christmas music. Without feelings, there would be no reason for me to like Christmas music. It would be noise, plain and simple, like any other noise without emotions. I would far sooner keep the bad emotions than lose the good. 

The Dark times

This quote is so true, especially for certain people. Those who struggle with depression in particular. There are times when I know I am being ridiculous, and my moods have taken a hold of me, but there isn’t anything that I can do. The more I try to get myself out of the funk I am in, the more I spiral down. All I can do is wait for it to go away. 

But this is one of those things that I worry about when I become friends with someone. How can I let someone become close to me when I know that one day, I will have one of those dark days and I do not know how that person will react? The more I care about someone, the harder it is to let them close enough to see that. Because the only thing worse than dealing with those emotions and feelings within myself is knowing that I have ruined a friendship with someone that I care deeply about because of something I am trying hard to control, but just can’t.  

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find a friend who will be able to deal with me no matter what. The older I get, the more I doubt it. I’ve seen the true colours of people I care about, and in a lot of cases, they’re not that great. 

What??? That's Illegal??? Give Me a Break...

Just had a Kinder Joy egg. It's a pretty common sweet here, and I thought I would try one, as I will most likely not get the chance to try one in the States. Because they are illegal.

     

It wasn't anything that great. Some milk chocolate, some white chocolate, little crunchy things like the Ferrero Rocher chocolates. It was decent. The toy inside was a pair of tops. Kinda neat little tops. But apparently this is what makes the candy illegal in the States. Even though they have warnings that there is a toy inside, and the toy complies with safety standards. I kind of thought the toy was actually in the chocolate, but the toy and chocolate are in separate sides of the egg shaped container. It's called natural selection. If you're dumb enough to eat a toy instead of the chocolate, then maybe you're destined to choke. 

This article is interesting, telling about why they have been banned in the US. It goes a little deeper than my rant of, "People in the US are flipping stupid and need to take responsibility for their own actions." 

http://voices.yahoo.com/why-kinder-eggs-banned-us-can-545918.html?cat=22