Looks

Was watching tv, and there was an infomercial for this thing called “Fair Look”. It’s an herbal concoction that one can put on their skin to make it more fair (obviously not for people like me, who are still glow-in-the-dark after tanning for a couple of weeks…). One of the dramatizations they used, showed a dark indian man coming into an office building, only to be stopped by the guard, who wouldn’t let the man in because he was too dark skinned. Instead of protesting, the man bowed his head as though he truly had something to be ashamed of. Someone else, who was pale, put an arm around the man, and led him into the building, while he kept his head down, and did not look at anyone. It showed the man putting this Fair Look stuff on his face, and as time passed, his skin became much more pale.
Then it showed him walking into the office again. The doorman, who didn’t want to let him in originally, saluted him, and let him in. He walked inside, and everyone in the waiting room stood up to greet him, and a lady who seemed to be in charge came to shake his hand and welcome him.
I’m all about people bettering themselves, and their lives, but this really bugged me. Discrimination because of skin colour is just a fact of life here. The darker your skin, the less worth you have.
It’s funny, I’ve never really understood racism, or colourism, or whatever you want to call it. Judging someone because of their skin colour. Heck, I hardly even notice when someone is a different colour. I’m not bragging that I’m not racist, I’m just saying I honestly get so used to it that I don’t think about it. In fact, I get so used to being surrounded by people with skin darker than mine that I kind of notice white people more now. I don’t get why it bothers some people so much that someone else has a different skin shade. And it’s mental. People who are pale want to tan so they’re darker. People who are dark want to use products that whiten their skin. Go figure…
If we could see the beauty that exists no matter what skin colour a person has, we would do so much better. Some of the more beautiful Indians I have seen have quite dark skin, and I do not think the dark skin detracts. It’s much better than falsely whitening their skin
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. True, but the heart is what determines the beauty the eye sees. Beauty can be found, no matter the skin colour, no matter the hair, the jewelry, the make-up…Beauty can be found if you are looking at others in a way that lets you see their beauty. It seems that most of the time, when people judge others by their skin colour, it is because they have been taught wrongly. They have been taught they are better because of their skin colour, and they have pride in that. They do not want to let go of the thing that makes them better. Pride stands in the way of love. Pride stands in the way of beauty. Pride stands in the way of everything good in life. It makes us want to be above others, even if it means changing who we really are. Whether it is changing our personalities, or even changing our skin colour. Never will we be content so long as we are full of pride.

Holding on or Holding out.

I’ve been thinking recently about the way that we hold on to past relationships, whether friendships or romantic relationships. We look over them, wondering what was done wrong, and what could have been done differently. But often, we are holding on so tightly to those things that we miss out on what could be in our futures.
I’ll use an example from my past. Unfortunately, I have only dated one person, so anyone who knows me will know to whom I refer. But oh well. That’s life.
I was in a relationship, and was pretty sure from the start that it was headed for marriage. We agreed when we decided to date that we only wanted to date if there was a strong possibility of marriage. I had never before been in a relationship, and really did not even want one before we met and began talking about a future together.
I’m not going to go really in depth about this relationship. That’s not what this is about. Suffice it to say that I was very serious about things, and I really had a hard time when the relationship ended. Especially when I found out how much of it had been a lie. I felt stupid for trusting so completely, and I kept trying to figure out what I had done, and trying to find some way to make things right.
I spent way too long thinking about this boy I had lost. And the really sad thing about it was that I knew the relationship wasn’t a good one for me by this time. I had realized how much lying happened in the time we were dating, and I knew that I did not want to be with someone who seemed to enjoy being so dishonest. But I was still in love for some stupid reason, and I had a hard time letting go. I think it’s kind of a Webster girl thing. When we fall in love, we fall hard, and don’t fall out of love easily.
I’ve been thinking recently about the process I went through in letting go, and I think that the most important thing was when I realized that, in holding on to my past, I was ruining my chances for the future. So I had to let go. As you have probably guessed from the title of this blog, I realized that it was better to hold out for an amazing future than to hold on to a pathetic past.
And when I understood that, I saw that letting go was my best choice. And then, my biggest regret became the fact that I didn’t hold out, waiting for the best, but instead jumped into something that was obviously a mistake. But sometimes you have to make mistakes to see how important it is to wait for the great things that God has for you.
So now, I am holding out. Believing that God has great things for me, and waiting for those instead of settling for something that is less than the best. Who am I to tell God what should happen and when it should happen? He has far better things than the nonsense in my past that I let go of, if only I hold out for it, trusting him.

Dreamer

What is my dream in one sentence?
I had this question asked of me a few weeks ago. Actually, everyone at this conference had it asked of us. I don’t know how any of the others felt about it, but I was a little stumped. I could answer the question, “What is your dream in one monologue.” or, “What is your dream in pamphlet form.” You know, something like that, which gives a bit more space for my dream. It wouldn’t even have to be a book. Just something a little longer than one sentence.
What is my dream in one sentence? Hmmm...that’s a tough one. My dreams have always been multi-faceted. And I know that with God, I don’t ever have to choose a smaller dream. But still, it is good to have enough focus that I can bring that dream down into smaller wording.
I would have to say that the following is my dream in one sentence:

To use the unique, random gifts/talents/interests God has given me to touch people where they are, even in ways that may seem a little weird to others.

What is your dream in one sentence? Leave a comment and let me know.

Drawing

“We should be drawn to fellow Christians. We should talk to them about what God is doing.”

Sometimes I talk to family or friends, and I’m like, “You know, I don’t really like Christians. I should have more non-christian friends.” I know this is likely offensive to many people, but it is the way that I feel. There are days when I feel like it is easier to be around people who are not Christians, because honestly, they’ll act the same as my Christian friends, but at least I know where I stand with non-Christians. They don’t pretend to be living one way, while their lives demonstrate something totally different. They aren’t following Christ, and they don’t pretend to. Whereas, I often think that there is so much hypocrisy in the church that I don’t know what to believe about a person.
What I really hate though, is when God is doing stuff in my life, and I don’t really know if I can tell people, because I don’t think they’ll believe me, or I think that they’ll say that it isn’t God, it’s just the way things work, and sometimes things just fall into place. It seems that Christians are scared of giving God too much credit. Anything bad happens, and Satan gets all of the credit, but good just sort of happens. We should rejoice with each other though. Even in the little things. If someone comes up to you and wants to tell you what God has been doing in your life, you should listen. And you should listen without judging, or laughing because the thing that they are talking about is so small that “God wouldn’t bother with that”.
God cares about a sparrow that falls to the ground, and he clothes the flowers in the field. Why don’t we thank him for the “little things in our lives?

Because we’re humans and we’re dumb, that’s why.

There’s one person I know (outside of family), who I can talk to about anything that is happening, and not feel foolish, or judged. It’s nice to be able to share the smallest thing and not feel like it is just a small, unimportant occurrence, but have someone else also think that it is God working in my life.
And that is how we should be with other Christians. I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk about anything else, but we should talk about the things God is doing. Otherwise, what are we doing to encourage each other and build each other up?

Home Sweet Ooty.

It struck me as I was returning to Ooty after seeing Carla off that I won't have this experience many more times. Of coming home to Ooty, I mean. I'm down to mere weeks of living in Ooty. Less than two months at this point.
There are some reasons that make me ready to leave Ooty. But in general, I am going to miss living here. I'm going to miss my little house in my neighbourhood full of people who don’t really seem to quite know what to think of me most of the time.

Carla and I were driving down the mountain on Ali, and there were moments where we would come around a curve and see the whole valley stretched out in front of us, and it took my breath away. Even now, I see the fog rolling in, or I see the sun speckling the tea fields, and I can’t believe how lucky I am to live here.
But if I am leaving such a place, what is there ahead of me? There is such a belief among Christians that one cannot be doing God’s will unless you are suffering. I do not find this to be true, either from experience, or from reading the Bible. God has plans to prosper his people, and not to harm them. Does this mean that nothing bad will happen to me? Heck no. But it doesn’t mean either that he wants me to be miserable my whole life.

So, although I will miss so many things about life in Ooty, I am looking forward to seeing those things which God has in store for my future. And ultimately, my home is heaven, and there, I believe I will constantly have my breath taken away as I see the wonder around me. 

Redemption

I love Les Miserables (in case you haven’t figured this out…). But it always makes me sad. Which makes sense. It’s about miserable people. But that’s not why it makes me sad. And I have finally figured it out.
I was just telling a friend about Les Mis. She’s never read the book, or seen the movie, and really knows nothing about it. I was trying to explain in a nutshell (yeah, a 1463 page book in a nutshell...), and I finally said I like it so much because it is such a story of redemption. A story of how one person, by listening to God, can help another turn his life around, and in the process, touch hundreds of other lives that he may never know about.
But then I was thinking about Jean Valjean. He is the one who is redeemed at the beginning of the story, but throughout the story, he is constantly trying to redeem himself. He continues to see himself as the ex-con that he was. Even though he has been redeemed, and God sees him as a new man, he does not see himself that way.
There is a quote at the beginning of the book where it says, “Whether true or false, what is said about men often has as much influence on their lives, and particularly on their destinies as what they do.”
Valjean is told so many times that he is an ex-con, and he believes it, even as he is changing his life, and thinking of others. He gives his life to others, while punishing himself for his past wrongs.
At the end though, there is this paragraph:
"Cosette and Marius fell on their knees, overwhelmed, choked with tears, each grasping one of Jean Valjean's hands. Those noble hands moved no more. He had fallen back, the light from the candlesticks fell across him; his white face looked up toward heaven, he let Cosette and Marius cover his hands with kisses; he was dead. The night was starless and very dark. Without any doubt, in the gloom, some mighty angel was standing, with outstretched wings, waiting for the soul."
This sounds like someone who has truly been redeemed; someone who is not the convict who came out of prison, and ran from his identity his whole life.
I love the part where it talks about the mighty angel standing, with outstretched wings, waiting for the soul. I only wish that Valjean had recognized that in himself in the book. 

The plans of God. From the mouths of babes...

I give riding lessons to kids in 5th standard. So that’s what, 9 or 10? Somewhere around in there. Anyway, they were asking me how long the horses will be at Hebron, and I had to tell them that the horses leave at the end of Nov, because I’ll be leaving, because I don’t have a job here anymore.
One little guy, Droov, asked me what I plan to do when I leave. Now, Droov is an interesting kid. Sweet as can be; a skinny little kid with big glasses. He is also a very intelligent boy. So he asked me this, genuinely wondering what’s up.
I told him that I didn’t know. I know I am going back to the States, and beyond that, I don’t really know. I tried to keep it light, not show my disappointment or anything about how things are turning out. It’s not the kids’ place to deal with it.
Droov was quiet for a minute, then said, “It’s ok that you don’t know what you’re doing, Miss Laura. God knows. And his plans for you are the best.”
He was so calm and sincere about it. It was super sweet. And so true. I was a little embarrassed that it meant so much to be given that reassurance from such a young kid. Sometimes, the faith of children puts me to shame. And he was not at all awkward about saying it. It wasn’t like when an adult says things like that, where sometimes you feel like they are just saying it because it is the thing they’re supposed to say. It was so natural. It was what he believed, and he didn’t care what anyone thought of him for saying it.