Random things

 1. The Wizard of Oz creeps the heck out of me. I have no idea why, but it does more and more as I get older.

2. I sometimes dream in Portuguese. I understand a lot more than I can speak, so it’s all floating around in my head.

3. I always feel like a total hack when I am treated like an adult. I still feel like I should be at the kids’ table.

4. Speaking of things that creep me out…I love things like The Twilight Zone, which gives me chills, but isn’t something that will be brought to mind when I am walking around in the dark. I don’t want something that will genuinely scare me, and affect how comfortable I am in the dark.

5. Orion is my favourite constellation. It’s one that I have been able to see in each country I have been in. He stands out as a very noticeable constellation, and is a reminder to me in many ways of God’s faithfulness.

6. The 3 worst books I’ve ever read? The Count of Monte Christo, The Day no Pigs Would Die, and Lord of the Flies.

7. Going along with that, my top 3 books are: Les Miserables, Behind the Attic Wall (some random book we got at a flea market that is amazing), and The Last Battle.

8. I wish I could see what it was like to be different animals. I mean, things are so black and white to animals. There are good people, and bad people.

9. I prefer storms to sunny days most of the time. I like how much you can do on a sunny day, but I like seeing storms.

 10. My idea of a wonderful date would be if the guy planned in advance, and knew when there would be a meteor shower, or a night storm, and planned a picnic for then. Blankets, hot cocoa or tea, etc. Nothing fancy, just something with a little bit of thought. Then we could sit and watch the meteors or lightning, and just talk all night. Campfires are good for that too…

11. Even though I do a lot of my writing on the computer (especially here, where I don’t want to end up with the added weight of a dozen notebooks), I still like to write by candlelight. Not sure why. It’s just fun. (Yes, after reading 10 and 11, I do like fire. No, I am not a pyro...)

12. I still sleep with stuffed animals. Not that I have to. I do fine if I don’t have them along. But especially when I leave the country, I take at least 1 or 2 stuffed animals with me. Right now, I have Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes) that my sister crocheted for me, and an elephant.

 13. While I know my parents aren’t entirely perfect, I think that the way they raised us was pretty spectacular. Between homeschooling, and all of the traveling we did, my childhood was amazing. And it set the stage for who I am now.

14. Though I am often in jeans and a t-shirt or something equally casual, I am quite comfortable in a skirt, or a saree, and thoroughly enjoy dressing up and “being a girl”. I’m not keen on makeup, because it makes my face feel weird, and I always feel as though I’m going to smudge it, but I like nail polish, and having my hair done. For the things I do, jeans and a t-shirt are just more convenient, but I love chances to dress nicely.

15. While this may come as a shock to most who know me, I love early mornings. I really enjoy watching the sunrise. However, I also like to stay up quite late at night, and the 2 don’t go together so well.

16. I’ve learned to pretend that I am confident. Whether in conversation, or speaking in front of people, or whatever, I can make people think that I am not nervous at all. Even if I feel like a total idiot. It comes in handy.

17. I’ve realized that I write a lot about sheep when I am writing stories. And the ocean. Dunno why. And my stories tend to be a little on the dark side. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

18. I could spend hours and hours just sitting by the ocean, taking pictures, or journaling, or staring at the ocean. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. That, and a huge storm with loads of lightning.

 19. I love performance arts. Dramas, human videos, etc., and would love to have a chance to learn to do them better, and use them in ministry.

20. I have a really hard time trusting people, but it’s mostly because I have trusted people completely, and have been very hurt by them. So I decided not to trust anymore. But to be honest, it’s hard for me. I would rather just trust people without hesitation, and I sort of make myself not trust them. It’s messed up, I know, but I have my reasons for it. And I am working on it. 

The End...Or Was it Just the Beginning?

Yes, I am in a blogging mood today. It's my day off, and it is raining. So there you go. More reading material :~).
I was looking at my old phone a little while ago. The one from the States. I still use it, just not as a phone. I listen to music on it, or use it as a calculator or whatever.
This time I was looking at the calendar. I noticed that I had something scheduled for January 24th. Which, if you don't know, is the day that I left for India. What I had put as the name of the reminder was "The End". I'm not sure why I did that. I was probably in one of my freakouts, where I didn't know why the heck I was going to India. Ask my folks...I had a few of those. I think they were ready to kick me out of the house well before the 24th :~).
Looking at it now, "The End" seems a bit ridiculous. And melodramatic...I've of course never been called melodramatic...(that was sarcasm. There's no need to leave comments telling me how sarcastic I am). At the moment, I would call it the beginning. Not that I have been sitting around waiting for this to happen. I have been doing things, useful things even, but it is different here. I feel like I have been changing since I got here. Not in huge ways. Possibly not even in ways that others would notice. But ways that I notice. And some of those things are things that I have thought I should change for quite a while. But it's easy to stay the same when you are around the same people all the time. People who have an idea of how you should act, and how you should feel. It's very different when you are around people who do not know you at all.
I still have feelings of being inadequate. I feel like I will not be able to do enough here. I see the things that I am doing, and say, 'if only I could do more'. And I am sure there are areas where I could do more. But then someone will tell me what an amazing job I am doing, and what a difference I am making, and I realize that I am doing something worthwhile. I'm not just here to be another body on staff. I know this, but it's hard for me to really take hold of it.
I'm actually an adult here. Which is crazy... When I am around people at home, who have known me since I was a kid, or at least since I was a teen, I am still a kid in their eyes. Don't get me wrong...sitting at the kids' table at family meals is one of the things that I miss the most when I'm here. But actually being able to be a big part of a ministry, instead of just doing busywork so that I feel like I am helping, has been awesome. I feel like I am actually doing what God has called me to do, whereas at home, it often felt like I was trying, and just not getting any chances to do what God really had for me.
I am maturing in many areas. I'm still far from mature, which should come as no shock to anyone, but I can tell that inside, I am changing quite a lot. And it probably would never have happened had I stayed home. So I guess the 24th could be looked at as an end, but it was also a beginning. 

A tiny candle

Taking some time to read the news...I do that every once in a while, when I realize that I have no idea what is happening in the world. I never noticed just how much of the news I notice when it ison at home. Not having a tv makes it so that I have to make a bit of an attempt to see what is happening around the world.
And then I wonder why I bother. Is there nothing good happening in the world? Not according to any news site that I can find. I was reading the newspaper the other day when we were out to lunch, and in the whole paper, I found only one or two articles that were positive. And those were only about a paragraph long, while long articles were written about the drought, and farmers committing suicide, and women being raped just because they're women and they're walking around town. We kind of joked about it, but it's really not a good thing.
Where is the joy in the world? I know there is joy here, because I experience it. And somehow, I can't believe that I am the only person who derives joy from life. But looking at the internet, it sure does seem that way sometimes. And even looking at facebook, I often see people who are complaining about the things that they don't have, or the weather, or whatever rather than being happy about what they do have (even just the fact that they have a warm home to stay inside when the weather is bad).
There is joy in the world. There is joy in teaching little horse-crazy kids to ride. There is joy in snuggling with a little puppy, in having a late night talk with a friend around a campfire. There's joy in things that are big and little. Joy in changing someone's life in a huge way, and joy in simply bringing a smile to someone's face. Why can't people see the joy?
Reading through the news, I found one place that has positive stories. Though technically, they most likely wouldn't be called news. They would be feel good pieces put in there to make life look less bleak. msn.com has their "Pay it Forward" section. This is a story from it, and a really sweet story.

http://www.today.com/tech/bunny-lost-n-found-instagram-rescues-toddlers-toy-trash-1C8773767
It's good to stay informed about the world. To know what is happening. But it isn't good to let it drag you down. I have a hard time staying positive when it seems like the world is going downhill quickly. Mild depression is something I have struggled with a lot. I'm doing better with it, but still, when just reading the headlines makes me think there is no good in the world, I have to make a pointed effort to see that there is good.
So I take notice of small things that are lights in the darkness. Sometimes, the small things are the things you don't notice, but they are the things that you need to notice more than anything else. A tiny candle in a dark room so to speak.And if ever we need candles, it is when the world is at its darkest.
What is your candle?