A Christian Responsibility

I see loads of blogs about the way that the US is going to hell in a handbasket (so to speak...). The comment sections of these tend to dissolve into 2 factions. First off, let me say that I really do not know why I read the comments on pretty much anything. They typically make me lose all hope for the future of humanity. And they make me want to punch numerous people in their stupid faces.
Moving on...
Those two factions are usually as follows:

Faction 1: Die-hard Christians. They say things such as "If we repent and turn to God, he will heal our land!" "This is all because we have not supported Israel! We turn our back on God's chosen people, He turns His back on US!" They take Bible verses, switch the words around, pretend that they are original words, and rant about how, if we would obey God, he would bless our country.

Faction 2: Die-hard everyone else. They say, "Well, I don't believe in God, so why would I do what he says? Following some old book won't change anything." "Have we forgotten that christians were behind the crusades?" "All this country needs is to return to the dark ages." They spout a lot of generalities about every bad thing ever done by people who claim to be 'christians', especially those who did not act at all like Christ. If all else fails, they bring up Kim Davis and consider the argument won.

Both factions use a lot of capital letters, as though they are actually shouting at each other, and some of the worst spelling in the whole of the internet (which is saying a lot). Basically, both are an embarrassment to the beliefs that they hold, no matter how accurate their beliefs.

I must say though, in one way, I have always agreed with the 2nd faction. Why on earth would they obey God? Why would we, who believe in God, expect them, who don't, to think that following what they say is an old fiction book (the Bible), because that is how the country will be made strong? It would be like them telling us that if we follow the principles in Arabian Nights because then a Djinn will fix all of our problems.

This is our responsibility as Christians. We are the people who are supposed to be following what God has told us to do. We can't expect people who don't believe as we do to follow the principles we hold dear, especially when we frequently don't follow them ourselves. We prefer to spend our time on forums, griping that atheists aren't obeying God.

I was at an event tonight, called Bringing Back the Black-Coat Regiment. The speaker was talking about what our responsibilities are as Christians, even in government. He pointed out that, God created government, and we are not meant to be removed from it. But we also cannot temper our Christianity to be part of the government. And we can't say, "Oh well, no one else is following God, so why should I worry about doing what I should do? What I do won't be enough to make a difference."
Because, guess what. If you know what you are supposed to do, any you don't do it, you are among those dooming your country. One of the things the speaker said was "God will bless or curse America according to the way Christians take."
As churches, and as individuals, are we pursuing God? Are we praying for our country and the leaders of our country? And the future leaders of the country? Or are we just complaining about and badmouthing those leaders? Are we willing to stand up and fight for our liberty? Preachers fought in the army during the Revolutionary war, and many died. They knew what they were fighting for, and they knew what the cost might prove to be. Anymore, we're too afraid to even offend people. It's so important to be politically correct, and we try so hard for it that most people don't even know our beliefs.  

Don't worry about how well atheists are following God. Don't worry about how well gay people are following God (oh yeah, and that brings up the point that we are supposed to love people, instead of hating them as we've gotten really good at...but that's for another day.). Worry about how you are following God. Worry about how your church is following God. Worry about praying for your country and the people living in it. Only in that way will we get the US out of the handbasket it is in. And seriously? Stop arguing with people on the internet...

Talking to People???

Everyone knows that introverts don't like talking to a ton of people. We prefer to stay in our own little bubble, and it tires us to spend too much time on people.

My problem though, isn't so much during the human interaction (though that is a bit of a struggle). It comes afterward. When I over-analyse flipping everything. I think about what I said, and what I should have said. I think about stupid things that I maybe shouldn't have said, or jokes/sarcastic comments that were taken in the wrong context and perhaps made me look like a total idiot.
I wonder if I talked too much...Maybe I annoyed everyone. Maybe I talked to little, and everyone thinks I am a jerk who hates people (wouldn't be the first time an entire group of people thought that about me when I didn't have any negative opinion of them). Maybe I talked to the dog/cat/ferret/turtle/goldfish too much, and came across as a crazy cat lady (getting harder all the time to deny that label...).

 I go over things I said so much that it completely messes with my head. I decide I don't want to hang out with those people again, because I am sure that this thing or that thing that I said has made everyone hate me/think I'm a child/think I need serious mental help. I remember conversations that happened years ago. Things that I doubt anyone else remembers at all. And I still cringe, and think that the other people involved in those conversations also think that I'm stupid.
Basically, I interact with people, and no matter how well it goes, I go home, feeling like a total moron, telling myself what I said that was wrong, and what I should have said instead. It isn't so much that it exhausts me, it's more that I tell myself each time that I can sound intelligent. I tell myself that I read, and I know a decent bit about a number of subjects. I know very well how to put words together and make sentences. And then I leave the house, or wherever I've been hanging out with people, and all I want to do is go home and lay in bed with my cats and dogs (who, by the way, think I'm brilliant), and hide my face from the world.

I know that I need to socialize, and spend time with people. If I forget it, my Mom is willing to remind me. But it is hard to build up the energy to actually do it when I know what the result will be. I do often enjoy the time with people, but worry so that I make things awkward or unenjoyable for others, so I tend to avoid it. Not the best way to handle things, but it makes life easier.
Now, usually, this would be the place where I'm supposed to give some 5-step plan or something like that, of how you can get over this problem if you are thus afflicted. But I'll be honest. I have no clue.

"I don't know..."

I suppose it could go something like this:
!. Start socializing more. You can never become a social butterfly if you never go out in society.
@. Use the words social, society, and socialize a lot more. That way, even if you only go out once every 3 months, you sound like you do a lot more.
#. Actually, don't. It makes you sound desperate. Like you have no idea how to socialize in the first place (which, if you are trying to fix the same problem I am, it is the truth. But there is no point to making it that obvious).
$. Actually go when you are invited to things. It doesn't matter if you have big plans of staying home and reading a book. Just plan to stay up late after getting home. The story will still be the same a few hours later. The same goes for watching tv shows. You can either catch the rerun, or find somewhere to find it online. Don't let media dictate when you go somewhere.
%. Decide that you do not care what other people think of you. This may be harder than it seems. There are some situations where I couldn't care less if I sounded stupid when I leave. I don't need to impress them, so I don't care. But in situations where I like the person/people, or I will be around them relatively often, I really care. No matter how often I tell myself I don't. But you need to learn to tone that down. You have to realize that, if people like you back, they won't mind if you're sometimes a little dumb. And really, you're probably not as dumb as you think you are. Do you remember every time your friends have been dumb? I don't. Which makes me feel like I am a lot more dumb than the average person. But I think it is more because I am so focused on if I look dumb, that I notice any little thing. I don't expect other people to be dumb, so I don't focus on those things.
^. Start focusing on the good from the evening. Did you tell a story that made everyone stop talking and pay rapt attention? Did you make a joke or comment that cracked people up? Did you have a deep, important conversation with someone? Think about those things instead of the things you said that fell flat.
&. Allow yourself to think about your interactions during the drive home. Make sure it doesn't interfere with your driving. Try to focus on the good, like in the advice above, but allow yourself to analyse the whole evening so that it doesn't just fester. But when you get home, pick up that book or turn on that movie that you were planning to read/watch earlier in the evening. Get your mind off of the evening, and especially off of the things you see as problems. Lose yourself in someone else's life and problems for a little while. The few hours after an event are usually when I do most of my analysing and kicking myself for being an idiot. If you take your mind off of it, it's like throwing your brain a raft when it's about to spiral down into the negative whirlpool. If you need a book suggestion for this step, check this out.
*Lather, rinse, repeat.

Basically, practice makes perfect. Or at least practice makes a bit better. You'll never improve your skills or teach yourself to not be so bothered about it if you sit in your house, reading your books (though, I am in no way slamming books. Reading is a great thing to do with your life.).

There's a Monster at the End of this Book

I've been doing a lot of writing lately. Just some fiction stuff that I am playing around with. Maybe one day I'll get it published, we'll see. I'd love to, but who knows. 

Cosette "helping" me write.

 Anyway, while working on one of the stories, one of the characters died. Now, it seems like a writer shouldn't be too bothered when a character dies. I mean, I've written the story. I've created the characters, and I've decided when and how they should die. It isn't like I'm reading someone else's book (or living real life), where the death did perhaps come as a shock. But one thing I've learned is that, even as the author, you don't always know what is going to happen in your story. The character that just died? It was one I thought was going to still be alive when the story ended. But it just didn't happen. 
Now, I could change the story. I could make everything come together so that the characters I like live, or I could simply end the book before any of the good guys die. But I have a hard time doing that. I have written alternate endings for stories before. I wrote one a while back, where a character died at the end, and my sister didn't like it. So I wrote a new ending for the story, and I sent it to her. But the ending that was published was the original sad ending. I didn't like the ending, but it had to end that way. 
My stories don't always end sad, or even always have sad parts. But when they do, I am often just as surprised as if I was reading it instead of writing it. I do not set out to write sad stories. I don't like sad.
People talk about emotional trauma at the hands of a book, and blame the authors, but I feel like the authors get as much (if not more) emotional trauma at the hands of their own book than do the readers. When you're writing, the characters aren't just words you write onto the page. Whether it is a character that you deliberately came up with, or one that popped into your head and wouldn't leave until you put it on the page, it is your character. It is like having a friend that only you know really well. Other people know certain things, but you know them on a completely different level. You can write and write, and fill the book with descriptions of the character, and the inner workings of their mind, but you will always know that character better than someone who has simply read the book. 
I have a tendency to write out of order. I'll usually start with a beginning, but then I add pieces as they come to me. My notebook reads like a 'choose your own adventure' book would if you read it straight through instead of choosing the adventure. I have the timeline jumbled, and I have notes in the headers about what details I still need to add to the story. And I have a death written out. I'm having a hard time now, writing the middle parts of the story, knowing what it leads to. It's like the whole "there's a monster at the end of this book" thing. 

If I don't write anymore, I won't reach the end of the book. If the characters never reach the end of the book, no one dies. I'll still know that it was supposed to end like that, but everyone will be safe. 

But that isn't the way that it works. There's still an ending, it's just missing the middle. And a life with only a beginning and an end isn't any better anyway.