A year ago right now, I was in Vermont, working at a Friesian farm, with 12 baby Friesians running around, gorgeous barns, the top Friesian stallions in the world, etc, etc. I was getting riding and driving lessons by people who REALLY knew what they were talking about (infrequent lessons, but they were good lessons when we got them), riding beautiful horses that were worth thousands of dollars. There was a Friesian stallion (the little guy that everyone laughed at because he was too short to be a stallion, but still...) that I was allowed to drive whenever I wanted to. We used nice gear for anything we were doing. Lovely carts and harnesses, dressage saddles that are worth way more than I could ever afford. All of the horse people I knew said that it was an awesome opportunity for me. And it was. Kind of...
But there were problems there. And even when there weren't blatant problems, I would chat with my Mom, and tell her that being there just made my soul ache. I enjoyed being around the horses, but I wasn't doing anything of real use. I worked every Sunday, and it took me over a month to find a church that was relatively close that had evening services that I could attend. And until I found a church, I had no one to talk to about God stuff. And that was harder than I ever guessed it would be. I could chat with people on fb, but my phone didn't even work most of the time. It was rough not having anyone.
Valley Bible Church really affected my time in VT. I would have had a meltdown without it. And especially without the Griffins (the Pastor's family). One night after church, I was just hanging out, trying to avoid going back to the farm, because I was so much happier at church. I told Kathy that was what I was doing, and she invited me over to have coffee and watch a movie. We watched Sabrina, a romantic comedy, nothing too spectacular. But it was an amazing night. One of those nights that, even though I was out a bit late, I felt refreshed afterward.
But still, for most of the week, I just felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I wanted to do something that would benefit people. I was learning, but not very much that I could use to help people. Most of my time was spent on basic farm maintenance type jobs that really only benefited the owners of the farm. The times I felt I was doing something truly useful were few and far between.
And now I am here. And it is a far cry from where I was last year. Most people would say that I have taken several steps down. Far from the Friesians, I now works with a mish-mash of horses. One is a Marwari, which is still a fairly impressive breed (though far less known), and then we have a large, white pony that could almost pass for a horse. But after that, we have 3 ponies that have pretty typical pony attitudes. One is still getting over an injury that he keeps re-opening, one just doesn't like being ridden, and one is the epitome of a mare.
My driving horse is a little half blind pony that is still working on getting over his terror of buses. Our tack is a bit on the random side, and a little worse for wear. And we have to be very careful to keep it from being stolen. Our barn is a little building with one stall and a feed room. Our arena isn't quite level, and has lots of rocks in it.
There are various other reasons that being here with Leg Up would look like a step down. But let me tell you, it is anything but. Leg Up is a huge step up. And there is one thing that makes a difference. God. God is the reason for the work we are doing here. It is not just to get glory, or make money; it is to change lives. And we are not the ones changing lives, he is. I don't have to say, "Ok, come with me and my little blind pony, and we will make your life spectacular!" I can just be there, willing to follow what God wants, and listening to him, and he will use us. It doesn't matter how ill-equipped we are in the eyes of the world. Some people would look at the horses we have, and the things we deal with, and say that nothing could come of this. But in some ways, that seems to work better. It isn't about us. It's not about how spectacular our horses are (though trust me, each one is amazing), it is how amazing our God is.
My soul doesn't hurt when I am here. No, things aren't entirely perfect, but perfection is not found anywhere on earth. There are so many moments here though that I look around, and I think how amazingly blessed I am. I am allowed to be here, and to be part of what is happening here. God has put me into situations in life that have prepared me to be here. Even last summer, learning how to drive a horse, taught me something I needed to know here.
I sit with the other volunteers talking about God, and how we can spiritually affect the girls, and it's wonderful to have like-minded people. Oh, that's not all we talk about. We get some pretty random conversations going. And there is nothing at all wrong with that either.
Even in the hard times, I am learning, and my soul is being strengthened. Every negative moment can be turned into good when one is willing to listen. God is great!
But there were problems there. And even when there weren't blatant problems, I would chat with my Mom, and tell her that being there just made my soul ache. I enjoyed being around the horses, but I wasn't doing anything of real use. I worked every Sunday, and it took me over a month to find a church that was relatively close that had evening services that I could attend. And until I found a church, I had no one to talk to about God stuff. And that was harder than I ever guessed it would be. I could chat with people on fb, but my phone didn't even work most of the time. It was rough not having anyone.
Valley Bible Church really affected my time in VT. I would have had a meltdown without it. And especially without the Griffins (the Pastor's family). One night after church, I was just hanging out, trying to avoid going back to the farm, because I was so much happier at church. I told Kathy that was what I was doing, and she invited me over to have coffee and watch a movie. We watched Sabrina, a romantic comedy, nothing too spectacular. But it was an amazing night. One of those nights that, even though I was out a bit late, I felt refreshed afterward.
But still, for most of the week, I just felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I wanted to do something that would benefit people. I was learning, but not very much that I could use to help people. Most of my time was spent on basic farm maintenance type jobs that really only benefited the owners of the farm. The times I felt I was doing something truly useful were few and far between.
And now I am here. And it is a far cry from where I was last year. Most people would say that I have taken several steps down. Far from the Friesians, I now works with a mish-mash of horses. One is a Marwari, which is still a fairly impressive breed (though far less known), and then we have a large, white pony that could almost pass for a horse. But after that, we have 3 ponies that have pretty typical pony attitudes. One is still getting over an injury that he keeps re-opening, one just doesn't like being ridden, and one is the epitome of a mare.
My driving horse is a little half blind pony that is still working on getting over his terror of buses. Our tack is a bit on the random side, and a little worse for wear. And we have to be very careful to keep it from being stolen. Our barn is a little building with one stall and a feed room. Our arena isn't quite level, and has lots of rocks in it.
There are various other reasons that being here with Leg Up would look like a step down. But let me tell you, it is anything but. Leg Up is a huge step up. And there is one thing that makes a difference. God. God is the reason for the work we are doing here. It is not just to get glory, or make money; it is to change lives. And we are not the ones changing lives, he is. I don't have to say, "Ok, come with me and my little blind pony, and we will make your life spectacular!" I can just be there, willing to follow what God wants, and listening to him, and he will use us. It doesn't matter how ill-equipped we are in the eyes of the world. Some people would look at the horses we have, and the things we deal with, and say that nothing could come of this. But in some ways, that seems to work better. It isn't about us. It's not about how spectacular our horses are (though trust me, each one is amazing), it is how amazing our God is.
My soul doesn't hurt when I am here. No, things aren't entirely perfect, but perfection is not found anywhere on earth. There are so many moments here though that I look around, and I think how amazingly blessed I am. I am allowed to be here, and to be part of what is happening here. God has put me into situations in life that have prepared me to be here. Even last summer, learning how to drive a horse, taught me something I needed to know here.
I sit with the other volunteers talking about God, and how we can spiritually affect the girls, and it's wonderful to have like-minded people. Oh, that's not all we talk about. We get some pretty random conversations going. And there is nothing at all wrong with that either.
Even in the hard times, I am learning, and my soul is being strengthened. Every negative moment can be turned into good when one is willing to listen. God is great!
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