I feel that I know a little how I would answer the question, "What would you do if you knew you only had a couple of months to live?" I know it's not that extreme, but it's still hard. I'll only have about 6 months at home...What are the important things?
I feel like I will be stripping down this next year to the things that really matter to me. And maybe I'll be surprised to learn what those things are. But then again, maybe not. Even before I made up my mind (well, my head wasn't made up, but my heart was sort of doing its own thing), I was already beginning to see what I was clinging to. I want my Dad to teach me to drive a motorcycle. Someone here could, but I want him to. That's something I should learn from my Dad. I want to sit and talk with Mom for hours about everything, no matter how big or small. I want to go hiking with Steve, and visit Carla for some quality time. I want to spend time with Gram, Chip, Shadow, and other animals I've grown up with, who won't understand what's up.
I feel so frightened and elated at the same time. I have no idea what to think, so sometimes I just try to avoid thinking. But that's not really an option. I have to make a firm decision one way or another. This whole time, I have been up and down. One second, I'm certain that I will be coming here, and the next second, it scares the heck out of me. But I guess even in that, I've still been pretty sure the whole time that I would be moving here.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never heard of Leg Up. Then I wouldn't have this choice to make. But that's no solution.
Right at this moment, I sort of feel stuck. I still have 3 weeks here before I can go home and get ready to come back. I feel like I am poised on the edge, just waiting to leap, but something is holding me here for a little while longer. Like Judy, Jimmy, and the Cinnamon Bear, stuck on the wave as they tried to get to the Island of Obi (a story that is a family road trip tradition). I am very eager to get home, as, once I get home, I am able to start preparing to return. And when I return, we can really get things going. I'll have my own place, and a motorcycle (hopefully), both of which will give me more time to get things done. Right now though, we're planning and preparing, but can't implement so much when I'll be gone for 6 months.
I think that's where the majority of my hesitancy at the moment comes from. Not that there's really even all that much hesitancy though. Sometimes there is, and I am sure there will be once I get home and face the prospect of leaving. But basically, I think it will be ok. I really feel that this is what I am supposed to do.
So even though this summer could prove to be an emotional one, as I prepare to leave, I plan to make it a great one. And yeah, maybe a lot of my plans would look silly to other people; they'll say that I am not making good use of my time. But it will be things that matter to me. Like riding around the mail route with my Dad, and going shopping with my Mom, and going for walks with my grandparent's dog, and things like that. Those things I take for granted, but that matter. And when I leave, I hope to be truly content about how I've spent my time.
I feel like I will be stripping down this next year to the things that really matter to me. And maybe I'll be surprised to learn what those things are. But then again, maybe not. Even before I made up my mind (well, my head wasn't made up, but my heart was sort of doing its own thing), I was already beginning to see what I was clinging to. I want my Dad to teach me to drive a motorcycle. Someone here could, but I want him to. That's something I should learn from my Dad. I want to sit and talk with Mom for hours about everything, no matter how big or small. I want to go hiking with Steve, and visit Carla for some quality time. I want to spend time with Gram, Chip, Shadow, and other animals I've grown up with, who won't understand what's up.
I feel so frightened and elated at the same time. I have no idea what to think, so sometimes I just try to avoid thinking. But that's not really an option. I have to make a firm decision one way or another. This whole time, I have been up and down. One second, I'm certain that I will be coming here, and the next second, it scares the heck out of me. But I guess even in that, I've still been pretty sure the whole time that I would be moving here.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never heard of Leg Up. Then I wouldn't have this choice to make. But that's no solution.
Right at this moment, I sort of feel stuck. I still have 3 weeks here before I can go home and get ready to come back. I feel like I am poised on the edge, just waiting to leap, but something is holding me here for a little while longer. Like Judy, Jimmy, and the Cinnamon Bear, stuck on the wave as they tried to get to the Island of Obi (a story that is a family road trip tradition). I am very eager to get home, as, once I get home, I am able to start preparing to return. And when I return, we can really get things going. I'll have my own place, and a motorcycle (hopefully), both of which will give me more time to get things done. Right now though, we're planning and preparing, but can't implement so much when I'll be gone for 6 months.
I think that's where the majority of my hesitancy at the moment comes from. Not that there's really even all that much hesitancy though. Sometimes there is, and I am sure there will be once I get home and face the prospect of leaving. But basically, I think it will be ok. I really feel that this is what I am supposed to do.
So even though this summer could prove to be an emotional one, as I prepare to leave, I plan to make it a great one. And yeah, maybe a lot of my plans would look silly to other people; they'll say that I am not making good use of my time. But it will be things that matter to me. Like riding around the mail route with my Dad, and going shopping with my Mom, and going for walks with my grandparent's dog, and things like that. Those things I take for granted, but that matter. And when I leave, I hope to be truly content about how I've spent my time.
I read a book call the War of Art. In it he says that the stuff that scares the heck out of you is the stuff that God has placed in front of you to do. I think you know that and I look forward to seeing how your year progresses in your new role at Leg Up. Also, I think that you should treasure any time you get to spend with your family this summer even if it might seem mundane to outsiders. That's the stuff you can't buy or replace. ::BIG HUGS:: :-)
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