Humility and trust

During Avalanche camp, each team had an opportunity to hike to the waterfall, and spend the afternoon up there. It was a gorgeous place to hike. Not something you would expect to come upon right there. I spent the time with a group of girls, swimming, and clambering around on the rock walls of the waterfall.

The area in the pictures was an interesting part. It was quite steep, and you had to just grip tiny areas with your toes in an attempt to get yourself up the side. I was the last one to go, and the rocks were wet from everyone's clothes dripping on them as they climbed up. As I neared the top, there were fewer and fewer toeholds, and each was so slippery that I could scarcely get a grip on them. To fall meant crashing into rocks on the way down, and then landing in a pool that was full of quite large rocks that formed the uneven bottom. There was nothing to catch on the way down. I almost changed my mind right there about going up to the top, but realized that this was not an option. There was really no way to go back down. I would have slipped for sure had I attempted it. Jyothi, one of our girls, had climbed up before me, and really wanted me to come with. She kept insisting that I take her hand and let her help me up the rock. I refused. What if she couldn't hold me, and let go? Was I going to let go of the rock, and put my faith in a person? What if she wasn't as well balanced as I thought, and I pulled her over the side too. Basically, I guess it all came down to trust. Did I trust that Jyothi could help me, and was I ok with letting go of control, and my 'if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it on my own.' attitude? I must admit, it took me far longer than it probably should have to figure out what to do in this situation. I exhausted every avenue I could to find a way to get either up or down without help. The whole while, Jyothi was standing there, reaching out to me, waiting for me to take her hand. Which I finally did. She helped me up to the top of the rock, and we walked on. Jyothi seemed to think nothing more of it, but I did. What is it that keeps me from trusting? What keeps me so insistent on the fact that I can do it by myself, and I don't need anyone else? It's curious the way one's mind works. Especially when I know that it is so much better when I trust people, and I don't do everything on my own.