Positive body image, staying strong, being a 'real woman'; these are all very popular today. There are blogs and seminars and books and who knows what all designed to help women be proud of the way that they look. We're told to not let men dictate how we feel about ourselves. We need to be happy and love our bodies even when we don't look like the models in the catalogues, because not a single model is real, they're all photoshopped. Bikini bridges aren't real, thigh gaps aren't real; THESE ARE NOT REAL WOMEN.
But therein lies a problem just as dangerous as insulting fat people. Telling skinny people that they are not real women. I saw a buzzfeed post the other day that was a collection of boho dresses. Yes, all of them were on thin girls. Not even exceptionally thin. Pretty average actually. But then you got down to the comments, and they were full of terrible things.
One girl said the people in the photos made her feel morbidly obese. Perhaps they did. That isn't their fault though. Slender people should not feel that they have to gain weight just to make large people more comfortable. Your body is the only one that is your business. However, after her comment, the attacks began. Women were saying that the models looked like they were wrapped in bedsheets (granted, some of them did... it's boho fashion... it had nothing to do with the models' bodies). The commenters said things like this:
"Couldv'e been truthful and just called this '36 Bohemian Dresses For Painfully Thin Giraffe-Type Women'. Meh...
"I love those dresses Ash & on a 'real' size woman, they'd look even more amazing xxx"
But therein lies a problem just as dangerous as insulting fat people. Telling skinny people that they are not real women. I saw a buzzfeed post the other day that was a collection of boho dresses. Yes, all of them were on thin girls. Not even exceptionally thin. Pretty average actually. But then you got down to the comments, and they were full of terrible things.
One girl said the people in the photos made her feel morbidly obese. Perhaps they did. That isn't their fault though. Slender people should not feel that they have to gain weight just to make large people more comfortable. Your body is the only one that is your business. However, after her comment, the attacks began. Women were saying that the models looked like they were wrapped in bedsheets (granted, some of them did... it's boho fashion... it had nothing to do with the models' bodies). The commenters said things like this:
"Couldv'e been truthful and just called this '36 Bohemian Dresses For Painfully Thin Giraffe-Type Women'. Meh...
"I love those dresses Ash & on a 'real' size woman, they'd look even more amazing xxx"
"I know. Like somebody else said about it: A lot of the girls just look like they're wrapped in bed sheets. A few curves wouldn't go amiss."
There were debates going off of these comments and others which were similar. When others called them out on body shaming, they said that there was no body shaming done, and basically claimed that they were the victims of body shaming because of the photos, but what they were saying about slender girls was nothing wrong.
Women are some of the worst people for body shaming. We always warn against the body shaming that men will do, but men are not nearly so harsh as women when it comes to body image. And there's such a huge problem with negativity toward overweight people that now we cannot touch that with a ten foot pole, but it is still perfectly acceptable to say anything one wants to a thin person.
There has been a lot going around about this whole bikini bridge thing, saying that women who have that have bad body images and are trying too hard. But that's not true. I have one (I was considering posting a photo, but decided that I didn't want my hips and my bikini on the internet...), but I've not tried for it. In fact, at the moment, I'm pretty out of shape. I've not been able to do much exercise in the heat here. But it's just the way I'm built. And I don't like reading websites that say that I am disgusting/anorexic/boyish because of natural features which I have no control over. I mean, I suppose I could get morbidly obese to make myself 'normal', but I don't want to.
And really, if I'm going to be honest with you, I have often had the problem of thinking I'm fat. I've been told that by people, and also just put those words on myself (I was really a little twig when I was younger...). it's something I'm getting over, mostly through just taking the decision that it doesn't matter what someone says about my body. There was this one guy who was constantly making a big deal about any features of mine he thought were out of the norm. And it really bothered me. Later, he'd say he wasn't necessarily saying it as a bad thing, but was just saying things, and I should already know that I'm beautiful, blah, blah, blah. But like most people, what stuck with me were his negative words. They really hurt me, and I was quite sensitive about my body. Now I'm not so much. I like myself the way I am, and I see myself as beautiful, no matter what some idiot says. And I'm not just saying that. I honestly think it. I mean, right now, my biggest issue is that my hair is growing out too fast, so I have to decide if I'm gonna get it cut here or wait and just let it grow :~). But I don't think it looks bad. It's just growing faster than I expected. Every once in a while, I tell my Mom while we're skyping that I am sexy. She usually stops talking to me, or changes the subject, because it makes her feel weird. But I just say it because it amuses me.
I hope to one day have a daughter (or a couple...), and there's a good chance they'll get the tall thin genes. I certainly hope that they can be happy with their bodies. And confident no matter what. I love wearing skinny jeans, but I often don't, because of the comments I get. I like to wear them with 4 inch stiletto heels, and I get comments about, "Why are you so skinny?" "You shouldn't wear shoes like that... you're already way too tall." But guess what... this is the body God gave me, and it serves my purposes nicely. Except for doing a crappy job of handling heat... but that's another thing entirely.
So whether you are a young girl, or an adult, most if not all of us have body issues. Don't take your issues out on others. See the beauty, and compliment that, or keep your mouth shut. Take care though, that your 'compliments' aren't veiled insults. Innocent things always have a chance of being misunderstood, but be sure yourself that your motives are good, and it isn't hidden body shaming. Because God made them, and he made you, and as my AWANA leader always said, "God doesn't make junk."
And really, if I'm going to be honest with you, I have often had the problem of thinking I'm fat. I've been told that by people, and also just put those words on myself (I was really a little twig when I was younger...). it's something I'm getting over, mostly through just taking the decision that it doesn't matter what someone says about my body. There was this one guy who was constantly making a big deal about any features of mine he thought were out of the norm. And it really bothered me. Later, he'd say he wasn't necessarily saying it as a bad thing, but was just saying things, and I should already know that I'm beautiful, blah, blah, blah. But like most people, what stuck with me were his negative words. They really hurt me, and I was quite sensitive about my body. Now I'm not so much. I like myself the way I am, and I see myself as beautiful, no matter what some idiot says. And I'm not just saying that. I honestly think it. I mean, right now, my biggest issue is that my hair is growing out too fast, so I have to decide if I'm gonna get it cut here or wait and just let it grow :~). But I don't think it looks bad. It's just growing faster than I expected. Every once in a while, I tell my Mom while we're skyping that I am sexy. She usually stops talking to me, or changes the subject, because it makes her feel weird. But I just say it because it amuses me.
I hope to one day have a daughter (or a couple...), and there's a good chance they'll get the tall thin genes. I certainly hope that they can be happy with their bodies. And confident no matter what. I love wearing skinny jeans, but I often don't, because of the comments I get. I like to wear them with 4 inch stiletto heels, and I get comments about, "Why are you so skinny?" "You shouldn't wear shoes like that... you're already way too tall." But guess what... this is the body God gave me, and it serves my purposes nicely. Except for doing a crappy job of handling heat... but that's another thing entirely.
So whether you are a young girl, or an adult, most if not all of us have body issues. Don't take your issues out on others. See the beauty, and compliment that, or keep your mouth shut. Take care though, that your 'compliments' aren't veiled insults. Innocent things always have a chance of being misunderstood, but be sure yourself that your motives are good, and it isn't hidden body shaming. Because God made them, and he made you, and as my AWANA leader always said, "God doesn't make junk."
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