I'm going to take a moment here to be super honest. I've gone to church three times since I've been home from India, and two of those times were for Christmas Eve services. It's not something I'm proud of, though I'm not terribly concerned about how people feel about it. I'm usually not concerned about things like that.
I kind of got out of the habit of going to church about a month before I left India. I wasn't happy with the church I had been going to, because the pastor suddenly became very bitter, and every service felt like a lecture. And not a good lecture, where you feel totally inspired to go out and really serve God, and focus more on being who He wants you to be. These were the type of lectures where you're thinking, 'what on earth? I'm not that terrible of a person, but I feel like crap right now anyway.' At the time, I was getting chewed out often enough at work for things I'd not done, I didn't really feel like I needed it at church as well. I could have gone to another church, but just didn't. Cosette and I spent our Sundays together, and it was lovely. I'd stay up til 4 am or so, instead of going to bed on a Saturday night, then I'd sleep half the day before going hiking or whatever.
Occasionally I felt bad about my terrible church habits, but that didn't usually last too long. I felt so much better when I wasn't being berated in church. And I did still go to the dorm meetings where we did devos, and I spent a lot of time with Christians, and did my own quiet time. I felt like it was ok.
And now that I'm home, I just haven't really bothered. This is much to my Mother's chagrin of course. She keeps telling me that it's my choice, as I am an adult, but she wants me to go to church. So I went, partly just to make her happy. And I'll probably go next week as well. But don't tell her or she'll expect it...
I'm not sure what it is about organized religion that makes me uneasy. I don't have any problems with God, and I've not given up my faith, it's more the people I've been around lately who claim to be Christians. It's the hypocrisy, and judgment, and feeling as though I don't measure up, even though I know the people judging me aren't perfect either, and are in no place to be judges. Honestly, some of the people who have acted the most like Christians toward me are people who don't necessarily go to church "religiously".
I'm not saying that church is bad, or even that I have made a wise choice in not going to church. I do think that it was the right choice for me during this time, and I'm ok with the way things have been. If you're reading this, I don't need any lectures on how important church is. I'm well aware of that, and I'll probably just ignore lectures. I used to have a sort of attitude toward people who skipped church frequently. I kind of felt that they weren't committed to God, and they were showing it by not going to church. The only other time I've skipped church for an extended period of time was when we went through a really bad church split, and I didn't want anything to do with the church. I was completely disillusioned with the church, and used that as my reasoning, saying that I had a great excuse to not go to church. But for people who didn't have a good excuse, they had no reason to not go to church. I've learned something now though. Just because it doesn't look like there's a reason, maybe it is just the time for it. Maybe there really isn't a reason that anyone would understand, and it's just a personal thing between that person and God.
I have also learned that it is easy to get into the habit of not going to church, and I don't plan to continue that permanently. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to go to church while I am in India, but I'll be going to church when I have a chance, and when I get back to the States. I don't know if I'll stick with the church I've been going to, or if I will find one that is a better fit for me, but I don't really want to get into too much of a rut of not going to church.
Anyway, the main point of this is to say, don't judge someone when you don't know where they are. And don't be embarrassed about where you are. I'm not trying to convince people that I am in the right with not going to church. I'm trying to say that sometimes, circumstances are different, and your friends shouldn't be afraid to talk to you because they're afraid you're going to judge them.
I kind of got out of the habit of going to church about a month before I left India. I wasn't happy with the church I had been going to, because the pastor suddenly became very bitter, and every service felt like a lecture. And not a good lecture, where you feel totally inspired to go out and really serve God, and focus more on being who He wants you to be. These were the type of lectures where you're thinking, 'what on earth? I'm not that terrible of a person, but I feel like crap right now anyway.' At the time, I was getting chewed out often enough at work for things I'd not done, I didn't really feel like I needed it at church as well. I could have gone to another church, but just didn't. Cosette and I spent our Sundays together, and it was lovely. I'd stay up til 4 am or so, instead of going to bed on a Saturday night, then I'd sleep half the day before going hiking or whatever.
Occasionally I felt bad about my terrible church habits, but that didn't usually last too long. I felt so much better when I wasn't being berated in church. And I did still go to the dorm meetings where we did devos, and I spent a lot of time with Christians, and did my own quiet time. I felt like it was ok.
And now that I'm home, I just haven't really bothered. This is much to my Mother's chagrin of course. She keeps telling me that it's my choice, as I am an adult, but she wants me to go to church. So I went, partly just to make her happy. And I'll probably go next week as well. But don't tell her or she'll expect it...
I'm not sure what it is about organized religion that makes me uneasy. I don't have any problems with God, and I've not given up my faith, it's more the people I've been around lately who claim to be Christians. It's the hypocrisy, and judgment, and feeling as though I don't measure up, even though I know the people judging me aren't perfect either, and are in no place to be judges. Honestly, some of the people who have acted the most like Christians toward me are people who don't necessarily go to church "religiously".
I'm not saying that church is bad, or even that I have made a wise choice in not going to church. I do think that it was the right choice for me during this time, and I'm ok with the way things have been. If you're reading this, I don't need any lectures on how important church is. I'm well aware of that, and I'll probably just ignore lectures. I used to have a sort of attitude toward people who skipped church frequently. I kind of felt that they weren't committed to God, and they were showing it by not going to church. The only other time I've skipped church for an extended period of time was when we went through a really bad church split, and I didn't want anything to do with the church. I was completely disillusioned with the church, and used that as my reasoning, saying that I had a great excuse to not go to church. But for people who didn't have a good excuse, they had no reason to not go to church. I've learned something now though. Just because it doesn't look like there's a reason, maybe it is just the time for it. Maybe there really isn't a reason that anyone would understand, and it's just a personal thing between that person and God.
I have also learned that it is easy to get into the habit of not going to church, and I don't plan to continue that permanently. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to go to church while I am in India, but I'll be going to church when I have a chance, and when I get back to the States. I don't know if I'll stick with the church I've been going to, or if I will find one that is a better fit for me, but I don't really want to get into too much of a rut of not going to church.
Anyway, the main point of this is to say, don't judge someone when you don't know where they are. And don't be embarrassed about where you are. I'm not trying to convince people that I am in the right with not going to church. I'm trying to say that sometimes, circumstances are different, and your friends shouldn't be afraid to talk to you because they're afraid you're going to judge them.
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