Bemused

The dictionary definition of Bemused is “Confused or bewildered”. But I am a Webster, and as such, can make new definitions if I so desire.

My new definition of a bemused expression is as follows, “An expression that says, ‘I’m sure I would be amused if I had any clue what was going on.’”. And I feel like the past couple of weeks, I have had that exact expression on my face quite a lot.

I spent two weeks teaching jewelry making to girls who mostly did not speak any English. There were a few who spoke a bit of English, but not very much. And more just small-talk type English, not the kind that I needed to communicate ideas about jewelry making.

I started out the time not talking a whole lot. I would demonstrate what I wanted them to do, but I was fairly quiet. Then I realized that perhaps if I said what I wanted, some would understand a bit, and some would pick up new words. So I started explaining what I wanted them to do as I demonstrated it.

That seemed to amuse them, and when I finished, a girl would go back to her place, and I would hear some of the words I had used being repeated, and lots of giggling as all of the girls repeated words and looked at me. I often gave a little half smile, not entirely sure what to do. I didn’t want to join in the laughter if everyone was laughing at me, but I didn’t want to just act like a jerk either. That was what I came to think of as my bemused look. I wanted to be amused, and felt like if I could just understand more, I would be amused. Even if they were laughing at me. I wound up getting used to feeling that way. I had two weeks of giving jewelry lessons. It was either get used to it and have fun, or have a total meltdown.

The girls seemed to like it when I responded to their laughter and joking, even though they knew I didn’t understand them anymore than they understood me. And I came to the point where I didn’t really care if they were laughing at me. Their laughter wasn’t mocking, or rude, it was just laughter. The laughter of girls having fun, and amusing themselves while doing their work.

So as they chattered on in Hindi or Kannada, I would answer them in English. We would do that, barely understanding a word the other was saying, but using hand gestures, and sort of playing a game of charades to make ourselves understood. Sometimes we figured out what was being said, and sometimes we finally had to laugh, because neither of us had a clue.

It got to the point where they were so comfortable with me that they would come into my room while I was getting jewelry supplies ready, and just talk away to me. Or sometimes simply hang out in comfortable silence, watching me. It didn't feel like we couldn't communicate at all, it just felt like we were hanging out comfortably.

So yeah, my bemused expression had a good workout during the trainings, but it was a really good time, and I am glad I got the experience.