Romans 12 Part 1: Community Means Tears

I'm in a small group that is going through Romans 12. We're supposed to read the chapter every day while doing this study, but I doubt I will. Mostly because I already have a chronological Bible. But I will be reading it sometimes, and we are doing the study. So I thought I'd do a series of blog posts about various parts of the chapter. It'll just be whatever stands out to me at the time, and I don't know how many parts I will do. They'll just be in with my other blogs til we finish the study, or somewhere around then.

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

I frequently find it hard to be around groups of Christians. One of the reasons is that they are usually really good at the first part of this verse. They rejoice with those who rejoice. But with the second part, they're not so great. It's almost as though they take the verse to say, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice. Actually, rejoice with anyone who shows any sort of emotion. And make them rejoice too, no matter what they're going through."

Negative emotions are only allowed in a corporate type situation. The church or small group is learning about human trafficking, or children being beheaded by terrorists. Then it is ok to get emotional and to cry about it, or rage against the devil and the evil in the hearts of man. But it is not ok to feel more than a passing twinge about the loss of a house in a fire, or anything personal. Because our lives and everything in our lives belongs to God, and it is up to him when he takes it away. Even with death, you hear things about how it's "their time" and "God was ready to take them home".  We support each other as a community by trying to cheer each other up. And there's a place for that. But you can't really help someone through a hard time by simply making them pretend to be happy.

I have a hard time trusting people who never personally feel any bad emotion. It seems to me that they are either lying, or they have no clue about the world. And I don't really care to be all that close to people in either of those categories. 

I am sad fairly often. Sometimes it is for a reason that anyone would consider legit. Sometimes it is because I deal with depression and I have days where I am sad for absolutely no good reason. I can hear all about how life is good, I don't have anything that big that I am going through, etc...I can tell myself the same things til I am blue in the face, and it makes no difference. I am still sad. Ready to cry at the drop of a hat, and ready to spiral down into a dark pit of despair or fury over something as small as a song skipping.

It's hard enough for me to handle on my own, but add in the "rejoice" thing, and I not only feel sucky and depressed, but I also feel like I'm not "good enough". I feel like I should "Christian up" and not be so sad. 

It's rare to find someone who will actually acknowledge your sorrow, no matter the reason for it, and who will cry with you. But this verse doesn't tell us to weep with those who weep so long as they have a good reason to be weeping. It says to weep with those who weep. You don't have to understand. Heck, you don't even have to know why they're crying. Just be there with them. Listen if they want to talk, just sit with them if they don't want to talk. 

You'll never gain depth as a church, small group, or really any sort of community if your members feel that they cannot share their sorrow. Sharing joy is definitely good, but sharing your struggles can be more important. People share their joy with anyone. Mostly though, they share their sorrow only with those that they know they can trust.