Pictures of Dead Things

They say that you take pictures of the things you are afraid to lose.
I don't know if that's entirely true in my place...

As far as I know, I am not afraid of losing a dead buck. Though...I would like to get those antlers before he's swept downstream...
But looking at what I used to take pictures of, and what I take pictures of now, I think that maybe it is true...

I used to take pictures of people. I used to take a lot of pictures of people. And with people. So many that people got super annoyed with me. But I took pictures of the people that I cared about. I wanted to remember those great moments that we had together.






I seldom take pictures of people anymore. I don't have anyone that I care that much about. I still take pictures of family, and I take some pictures of people here and there, but I don't really care that much.

I know this sounds either very depressed, or somewhat disturbed, but I assure you, I'm ok. I'm not really bothered by the whole thing.

It's funny, because sometimes when you are around people a lot, you think that the friendships will last forever. I always thought that was more of a thing in high school. I assumed that friendships made as adults would be more likely to last.

Not necessarily true. There were people that I thought I was super close to, but it eventually just fell apart. It didn't seem to matter what I did, there just wasn't a friendship.

It got to the point that I determined that 6 months was pretty well the extent of my friendships. I could call, text, try to hang out with people, and it would reach the point where it was a totally one sided friendship, and I would have to drop it.

So I stopped bothering. I stopped making an effort at relationships, and I stopped taking pictures of people. Other than family.

See, I don't push friendships any more. There's a difference between making an effort and pushing the issue. Making an effort is when both people are invested in the relationship. Pushing it is when only one person cares.

If I see that I am the only one saying, "Hey, let's hang out." or I am baking cookies, and bringing gifts back when I travel, and there is nothing coming from the other side, then it is no longer worth it. It's not like I will end a friendship because someone hasn't given me a present or cookies. I don't need them giving me anything. But it's the spirit of it. If they aren't willing to invest, I no longer am either.

I used to make too much of an effort in relationships that were destined to fail. I didn't want to admit that they were over, even though they were. 

Sometimes I feel selfish about the fact that I refuse to make too much of an effort for other people. But it's about balance. If you are killing yourself trying to make someone else happy, then you are wasting your time. It isn't good for you, and it really isn't good for anyone else. You will burn yourself out and not be able to invest in the relationships that do matter.  

The funny thing about all of these pictures though, is the fact that the one that gives me the most positive memory is the one of the dead deer. Took it while out for a nice walk with Kita and ReMe, so even though it's a somewhat depressing photo, it brings up good memories. Maybe it isn't really the photo itself that shows what you are afraid to lose, but the feelings that it evokes. The other photos don't really bring up any sort of emotion at all.