Valentine's. It's Not That Hard to Pronounce.

This blog isn't really about people who can't say the word Valentine's. But that does annoy me. Seriously? We've all grown up the word...we should know how to say it correctly. It starts with a V and it's and N, not an M toward the end of it. Completely off subject, but that was a freebie for you ;~)
As Valentine's Day near, it is typical to start thinking about relationships or lack thereof. I'm not one to worry about Valentine's Day. I'm not offended by it, I don't get upset by seeing all of the Valentine's Day merchandise in stores, or posts on social media. Well, I do get annoyed, but only in the way that I also get annoyed by the rampant commercialism of any holiday. I don't call it singles awareness day, and I simply do not care what I am doing on that day (though, this year I do care, because I am going to a hockey game with my Aunt, and I am looking forward to that...We get to watch guys punch each other in the face, and hopefully see the Hogs win. What would I not be excited about??? There's also the Valentine's episode of Supernatural that I'm watching right now. It's my type of Valentine's show :~) )

My point though, is that as a single woman, I should be upset about Valentine's Day. Especially as a single 28 year-old woman. I'm getting dangerously close to crazy cat lady old maid status. 

And when I say dangerously close, I mean to the old maid thing...I think the cat lady status is a done deal :~)

Look how cute they are...Who could resist those faces?

Back on topic...

Along with being bothered by Valentine's Day, I should (according to most books, movies, and tv shows) be so desperate for a man by this age that my criteria has been whittled down to the bare necessities. Such as male, straight, and breathing. By the time a woman reaches her mid to late twenties, she should have let go of the list of things that she thought would make a good mate. You know that list...The "husband list", or whatever you may have called it. The list that said things like, "he has to play guitar and sing" "he has to be at least 6'2"" "he has to want 7 kids" "he has to love dogs and spend at least 45% of his income to rescue abused puppies" "he has to be a Christian and have been on at least 8 mission trips" "he has to know how to speak in tongues" "he has to write poetry" "or stories" "about the puppies he's rescued" "and about me" "he has to be romantic, and buy or pick flowers for me at least 3 times a week". Some of the items on these lists were legit, but a lot of them were pretty out there. Especially when you had a bunch of jr high girls making these lists. And probably, if I were to find one of those lists that I made back when we were supposed to make them in youth group or whatever, I would find a lot of nonsense things that could be taken off of the list. But for the most part, my list has probably become even more strict instead of more lenient.

For example...

And hot like Ten, but that's beside the point :~P

That's actually not entirely true. Though...I wouldn't argue with a guy like the guys in this picture. Except for Sherlock. I'd probably punch him in the nose...

I don't actually have a list right now. Not interested in putting that much time into it (are we seeing a theme with this lack of initiative on the subject?). But I've noticed that I frequently say, "I could never stand being with a guy like that." or "a guy who does this." If I had a list, it would be ridiculously long. And the majority of the things that would be on would be non-negotiables (yes...I've grown rather stuck in my ways in my old age...).

People suggest various guys that I know. Or guys that I am slightly acquainted with. Or guys that I have seen in passing. They say that I should at least give it a try, but if I can give a list of 5 reasons right off the cuff that a specific guy and I would not work out, I see no point in bothering. I was watching Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, and the stepmom is trying to marry Alice off. She refers to the son of a friend, saying, "He is unmarried, employed, and not awful to look at." She seems to think that this is a great marriage prospect for those reasons, but Alice is more into the idea of true love than the idea of a good match.

I even tried a couple of dating sites a while back. Yeah...HUGE waste of time. Decided that if something happens and I end up meeting a guy that works with me, that's great. But I have no desire to put that much time and effort into it. 

I've been told that maybe I should consider relocating, at least temporarily, to somewhere closer to Chicago. That way, there would be more guys to choose from, and I might find someone who is a good fit. But I don't find it worth the effort. If you change who you are just to find a guy, who is he really going to end up with? Not the real you. And how long will you continue to fake your way through life? 

We always talk about how you shouldn't change just because other people say you should. So why should you change for some person who may or may not be out there? What if you miss someone that the real you would love because you're too busy being someone else?

And what kind of crazy person would not love the real me? I'm amazing :~P

Romans 12 Part 1: Community Means Tears

I'm in a small group that is going through Romans 12. We're supposed to read the chapter every day while doing this study, but I doubt I will. Mostly because I already have a chronological Bible. But I will be reading it sometimes, and we are doing the study. So I thought I'd do a series of blog posts about various parts of the chapter. It'll just be whatever stands out to me at the time, and I don't know how many parts I will do. They'll just be in with my other blogs til we finish the study, or somewhere around then.

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

I frequently find it hard to be around groups of Christians. One of the reasons is that they are usually really good at the first part of this verse. They rejoice with those who rejoice. But with the second part, they're not so great. It's almost as though they take the verse to say, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice. Actually, rejoice with anyone who shows any sort of emotion. And make them rejoice too, no matter what they're going through."

Negative emotions are only allowed in a corporate type situation. The church or small group is learning about human trafficking, or children being beheaded by terrorists. Then it is ok to get emotional and to cry about it, or rage against the devil and the evil in the hearts of man. But it is not ok to feel more than a passing twinge about the loss of a house in a fire, or anything personal. Because our lives and everything in our lives belongs to God, and it is up to him when he takes it away. Even with death, you hear things about how it's "their time" and "God was ready to take them home".  We support each other as a community by trying to cheer each other up. And there's a place for that. But you can't really help someone through a hard time by simply making them pretend to be happy.

I have a hard time trusting people who never personally feel any bad emotion. It seems to me that they are either lying, or they have no clue about the world. And I don't really care to be all that close to people in either of those categories. 

I am sad fairly often. Sometimes it is for a reason that anyone would consider legit. Sometimes it is because I deal with depression and I have days where I am sad for absolutely no good reason. I can hear all about how life is good, I don't have anything that big that I am going through, etc...I can tell myself the same things til I am blue in the face, and it makes no difference. I am still sad. Ready to cry at the drop of a hat, and ready to spiral down into a dark pit of despair or fury over something as small as a song skipping.

It's hard enough for me to handle on my own, but add in the "rejoice" thing, and I not only feel sucky and depressed, but I also feel like I'm not "good enough". I feel like I should "Christian up" and not be so sad. 

It's rare to find someone who will actually acknowledge your sorrow, no matter the reason for it, and who will cry with you. But this verse doesn't tell us to weep with those who weep so long as they have a good reason to be weeping. It says to weep with those who weep. You don't have to understand. Heck, you don't even have to know why they're crying. Just be there with them. Listen if they want to talk, just sit with them if they don't want to talk. 

You'll never gain depth as a church, small group, or really any sort of community if your members feel that they cannot share their sorrow. Sharing joy is definitely good, but sharing your struggles can be more important. People share their joy with anyone. Mostly though, they share their sorrow only with those that they know they can trust.

Lions and Support Systems

Dereck and Beverly Joubert , a couple who made the documentary Soul of the Elephant, were on Ellen the other day. They were talking about Elephants, and how it isn't only elephants that are at risk, but lions, and rhinos, and so many others. Ellen brought up the case of Cecil the lion, who was shot by that piece of crap last year. I think probably the majority of people watching were a little taken aback, as was I, at Dereck's response. He said that on the one hand, it was a terrible thing. But on the other hand, they were pleased that it happened. Going on, he explained that it wasn't that they were glad that Cecil was killed. They were glad that his death brought attention to what has been an ongoing problem. About 600 lions are killed by tourists every day. Some, like Cecil, are poached illegally, some legally. Legal or not, it is wrong and needs to be stopped. Before Cecil, there was a little bit of attention for the problem, and after Cecil, people all over the world were up in arms, trying to get things changed.

As sad as it is, I can understand his point. So many are dying, but maybe this one will be the change.
Social media seems to be bringing this idea to the fore in many areas of life, not only conservation. Previously, we have been a more private culture. If we were going through some sort of medical issue, or dealing with the death of a loved one, we kept quiet about it. Those closest to us knew about it, but others didn't.
Now though, we share what we're going through. You can follow groups that keep you up to date with what they are going through, like Jaxon Strong. You can also follow groups dedicated to those who lost their fight. And on those, for example, Rally for Lily, those left behind form a support group, caring for each other and helping others who are still in the midst of their fight.
You always hope that you're not the one who goes through something horrible. You hope that you're one of the lions that just gets to chill on the Savannah and play Lion King (minus the whole Scar thing....)

But what happens if you're not? What happens if you're one who gets killed? Or, if you're one that deals with a disease or a tragedy? What will you do?
Cecil didn't have a choice. He was killed. He just happened to be a well known lion who was killed, and that was why his death received international attention. There were probably other lions killed the same day Cecil was killed. There were certainly other lions killed during the uproar surrounding his death. But they were unknown lions, and their deaths did nothing to bring attention to the plight of lions.
You do have a choice. You can hide and pretend that nothing is happening, or you can be honest along your journey and hopefully make a difference to someone else going through the same thing. You may be dealing with a physical disease, or something mental, like depression. Perhaps it's relational, and you've lost someone near to you, like the stuff with my brother. Chances are, you're not the only one going through whatever you're going through. You can go it alone and  not help anyone, or you can bring something positive out of whatever your situation is.

Real Art

What is real art?

What is real photography?

What is real writing?

What makes one person creative and one person not creative?

It seems that about 90% of the population of the US claims to be some sort of an artist. With digital cameras and phones with good cameras on them, photography is becoming more and more common. Self-publishing is pretty easy now, with Amazon's createspace, and various other publishers, giving more people the opportunity to become published authors.
Music, painting, videography...heck, even cooking is an art.

But what makes something art?

I saw a post on Instagram recently. It was a photo of a tree, with the bark in sharp focus, and the landscape behind it fades into the distance. The person posting it asked if the photo would be considered art or not.
It was a pretty picture. It was well framed, and looked like it had been well thought out. And the photographer had no clue if it was art.
What I said in answer to her question was that it depended on if she thought that it was art. If she liked it, if she thought it was pretty, and if she thought it was art, then it was art.
That's the thing about art. If you like it, then it's good. There are plenty of art critics, music critics, etc., etc. who may say differently, but oh well. There are definitely times that this doesn't apply. For example, if I would announce that I am going to start painting, following the cubism style, then swirled the colours on the canvas as though doing expressionism, then I am doing things wrong. I have chosen a type of art, and there are certain rules to follow within that art. However, I could go right now and start slapping paint on a canvas. If, when I decide that I am finished, I look at the piece and I like it, who is to say that it is not art? Probably lots of people, because people tend to be judgy jerks, but hey, their opinion really doesn't matter.

I went to quite a few art galleries when I was in Australia. Seems to be a thing to do there. Everyone kept suggesting art galleries, and it was chilly when I was there, so I went to some. And you know what? I determined that I did not have a grasp on art. All of this award winning art, and I had no reaction to most of it. 

But see, that's why art is so diverse. A painting or a photo that speaks to me may not speak to you. The same goes for a song, or a book. Any sort of art. Art is one of the things that show our differences. Have you ever noticed that in most dystopian books, art of any sort isn't allowed? Or the government has decided on one kind of art that is appropriate, and that is the only art permitted any longer. Because our responses to art make us unique. 

If you're an artist, by all means try to further your art. If you have a certain type of art you're pursuing, learn the rules and try to improve. But not to the point that you are going through the motions to make the art someone else says you should make. I like my photography, but I read about how to take better pictures fairly often. I do not, however, take all of the commentary to heart. Sometimes the photography "rules" make my photos look worse. At least in my opinion. So I do what I want. If I like how something is set up, I take the picture. Sometimes I also take one using the rules. But I usually prefer the one that doesn't follow the rules. It's the same with writing. I read a lot about how to write well. I do take a lot of it to heart, but I also do what feels good to me. 

Art is supposed to make you feel. What you feel depends on you. 

2 Rides

I was about 13  when I rode in the backseat of my grandparents' van to bring their new puppy home from the shelter. We became dog show partners, the bane of our obedience instructors' lives, and best buds. 
And I was 28 when I rode in the back of my grandparents' van to take their old dog to the vet to send him on that last journey that I can't join him on. 
Over half of my life, Shadow has been here. I've been here almost his whole life. Of all the dogs over the years, he's the one that has been in my life the longest.
We chose each other at the shelter, so I guess it's fitting that we sort of made the choice together that it was time for him to go.
It was a pretty day today. Shadow would have liked it. Sunny and snowy...I'd have had to pick ice balls out of the fur on his paws if we were out playing. And he'd be sneaking kisses with that big slimy tongue of his the whole time.
There's something to be said about being there at the beginning and the end. And basically, that is that it sucks. And it's also one of the best things you can do.

Judginess

The internet gives people a chance to share their lives with people. We share good things and bad. We share pictures of our cats, dogs, or kids, and we share opinions. Sometimes we overshare. 
Along with the sharing though, we have come to the point of feeling that we are able to judge one another. Harshly. For things that are not any of our business. For example, I could say that I  am listening to Christmas music, or watching a Christmas movie on Halloween, and people would jump all over that. Some people would, of course, be joking, but there would be a ridiculous number who would actually think that their opinion should matter  and I should listen to what they have to say. However, anyone who actually knows me would also be aware that I ignore people who try to tell me how to live my life, and I will swamp them with Christmas music they tell me what to do. But that is off-topic.
My point is more along the lines of the fact that we have reached a point where we think that we can butt into the life choices of others, big or small, and they have to listen to us. 

Now, I realize that if you post something online, you're giving others the right to give their opinion on that subject. That's a fine line though. I don't think there's a problem with people giving their opinion. Instead, the problem comes when people feel the need to give their opinion in the harshest way possible. 
It's like chatting with a group of friends. One person mentions something they do which is a bit different from the typical way people act. Or maybe the conversation goes a little deeper, and someone brings up a topic that they are struggling with; be it theological, or moral, or in any other way. Instead of receiving support and friendship, the remark, no matter how important or trivial, is met with scathing looks and comments. People begin to argue amongst themselves, yelling and calling their friends horrible names simply due to the fact that they don't agree on a subject. Usually a subject that doesn't actually have a definite right and wrong answer. 
Pretty soon, those friends would just stop talking. They would judge each other based on the topics on which they disagree, rather than remembering why they became friends in the first place.
It is far easier on facebook to be harsh with your friends, and to take liberties with the people you don't even know that well. You can forget that there is a real person behind the computer screen, and that they actually have feelings. And that you don't have the right to tell them what to do.

Having a filter on your fingers as you type is a smart choice...This is a good model, but a little too distracting.

But what if you see something that someone has posted that you really think is serious, and something you have to address? One such thing that comes to mind is the recent rash of racism, Islamaphobia, and general violence perpetuated across social media. It's wrong to stay silent when you feel convicted to speak. But speak with kindness, and remember that the person with whom you are arguing is entitled to their own opinion as well. You can make your point, but freedom of speech is not negated merely because you don't agree with them.
Facebook is supposed to be a place to connect with friends, not a place to make enemies. I've been staying off of facebook a lot more than I usually do, because I'm tired of seeing all the animosity. I wish that people could discuss ideas and opinions, whether face to face or online, without such anger. Perhaps one day.

Sanctuary...

"Overnight we had become really poor; we had become refugees. A refugee not only has no country, he also has no rights. He is a displaced person. At times he feels like a parcel which has been mailed and is moved from place to place."

This is a quote from Maria von Trapp, who I am sure you are familiar with from The Sound of Music. Because her husband refused to fly the Nazi flag, or take a naval command with the Nazis, the family had to leave Austria. 
Most people love the scene in the Sound of Music where the family travels over the Alps into Switzerland and freedom. They are finding a life where they can be safe, and far from the Nazis. It is a beautiful picture.

But they are refugees. They are leaving their country, and guess what...they came to the States (through Italy...not Switzerland. And they took the train, they didn't climb the mountain with all of their luggage...and they told their family and friends that they were going to the US for a tour...but hey...). They moved here and lived the rest of their lives here. 
Maybe you say, yeah, but they were useful people. They had skills, and they had something to give to our country. But Georg was also a retired Naval hero who had been offered a position with the German Navy. Who was to say that he hadn't secretly accepted an offer to become a Nazi spy who would then infiltrate the US? They had children who could have easily been part of Hitler Youth, helping their Father as spies. 
Just because men are military age, that does not mean that they want to be in the military. The von Trapp sons actually enlisted in the US military, and became naturalized citizens as a result. 

Why is it that we don't mind refugees like this? They wouldn't necessarily even risk their lives by staying in Austria. But they left for better lives. Just like many of the refugees coming into Europe and the States right now. They are people with lives and dreams and the desire to live somewhere that they can be safe. They have things to offer to the countries in which they settle, and to those of us who meet them and give them a chance. Is it because there wasn't the fear of terrorism in those days? Probably not the case, as World War II was when between 110,000 and 120,000 people of Japanese ancestry were placed in internment camps in the States. 62 percent of these people were already US citizens, and this internment has been determined to have been caused by racism and discrimination by white Americans, rather than because of any actual threat they posed to the country. 
Terrorism, or the fear of it, was alive and well during those times. So was racism. It reminds me of the Mob Song from Beauty and the Beast. Yes, I can find a song to fit almost anything...

One line of the song says, "We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least." 
They sing that line, and then they go tramping through the forest to the castle of the Beast in order to kill him. Belle tries to convince them that he is harmless, but they don't want to believe her. They decide that the Beast is scary, just because they say he is, and they care about nothing other than killing him. 
I've seen a lot of mob mentality lately. Mostly on facebook. Holy heck is that place ever a mess. You have your mobs on both sides, and so many people hate other people. We're coming into a season of Thanks and Love, and 75% of what you see on facebook is rants about how we need to nuke every Muslim, or how refugees are terrorists. And all of the animosity directed not only at the people you're scared of, but also the people you disagree with. Friends and families are divided and at each other's throats. 
See refugees as people. See those you argue with on fb as people. We're supposed to love people. To the point that we would lay down our lives for others. No matter what colour they are, and regardless of whether or not we understand them.