Day 6: Something I Struggle With

Again, this post could go on for a while. But I will spare the 2 people reading this and pick one thing.
One of the biggest things that I have been struggling with lately is caring. I have hardly gone out anywhere since being home. I have been to 2 weddings, and one small party with some friends. And that’s about it other than time with families. I have options of things I could do to be around people. And they’re good people, people I usually get on well with. And I keep thinking that yes, I’ll go next week and see people, go to a game night or a Bible study, invite people over, etc. And then when it comes down to it, I don’t go. Because I just can’t get myself interested to the point that it seems worth the amount of effort. I mean, I do a lot of things at home. It's not as though I am simply sitting on the couch watching tv all day, but I just don't care to go out.
I know this is sort of a problem in my life. But I’ve grown so used to not having people to hang out with that I just don’t have the interest anymore. Pretty pathetic excuse, I know, but that’s the way things work.
Anyway…I realize that this isn’t something that should be such a struggle. I mean, how hard is it to get up off of my butt, take a shower, get dressed, and walk out the door? But it seems to be very difficult for me.   

Day 5: 5 Places I Want to Visit

1. Mongolia

Not sure why, but I’ve wanted to go to Mongolia for years. And then reading Horse Boy made me want to go even more.

 

 

 

 

2. Romania

I read a book called Fell which was set in Romania, and since that, I’ve wanted to go. The descriptions were so beautiful, and it sounds like a place I would enjoy visiting.

 

 

 

3. Rajasthan

Lots of people have told me that it is one of their favourite places in India, and it sounds amazing. Also, there is an animal rescue there that I want to volunteer with.

 

 

4. Iceland

It just looks so gorgeous. If you don’t agree, watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty…

 

 

 

 

5. Antarctica.

Because how cool would that be? :~)

 

Obviously, since these are places I want to go, and have not been, these are not my photos. I did a google image search and found them all. One day...

 

Day 4: Drives Me Batty!

My top three pet peeves. Wow...to only pick three. Tough challenge. I’m just not extremely tolerant. Anyway...

Oh, and my translation of the term ‘pet peeves’ is that they are things that annoy me but aren’t actually major issues. So things like abortion/genocide/abuse won’t be in here. But I am not just being petty.

1. People who use text speak and misspelled words. Especially in professional or semi-formal interactions. I have had bosses who use so many abbreviations and such when telling me my schedule or asking me to pick up an extra shift that I can hardly tell what they’re trying to say. Even communicating with people in general has grown so sloppy that sometimes I’m not sure what people are saying. I know I sound like an old lady, but the way my brain works, it doesn’t properly process such things. And then you get to the fact that people are losing the ability to spell in general, partly due to a lack of reading, and it is just a mess.

2. People who start ‘discussions’ with the intent to argue. Some people use controversial issues like abortion or gun rights. Others use seemingly innocent topics such as ‘what kind of ice cream is the best?’ And you wind up going in circles about who is right. Usually these are people who are firmly set in their feelings (no matter how completely nonsensical), and who know that they won’t change your beliefs, but simply want to argue anyway. I’ve even had people tell me that they know there will not be any result from the argument, they just like to argue. I am all for a good discussion. Even when I don’t agree in the least with the person to whom I am speaking. But only when there is mutual respect and interest to learn from the other. If you go into a debate with an open mind, it is beneficial, even if you both come out of it with the same beliefs. However, if you go into it with the intent to argue, you may as well not even bother because your mind is completely closed to anything.

3. People who take pleasure out of ruining books and movies by telling you the ending, or at least a huge plot point. I couldn’t care less if they themselves like to know the end of the story first. If I tell someone I don’t want to know details and they tell me, I don’t figure we’ll be very good friends. If someone can’t respect a small request like that, why would I think that they would respect anything else in our relationship?

Day 3: Words Make a Difference

The subject for today is “Something someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”. Hmmm...That opens a pretty messy can of worms. I could go with a good thing someone has told me, or I could go with a bad thing.
The thing of it is, for most people, the bad sticks in your head a lot more than the good. It spins in there as you mull it over, wondering if you really are such a bad person. You can do more damage with your criticism than you can do good with your positive words. So I’ll give an example of that.

I had someone tell me a while ago that I needed to go to personal development training, because everyone I interacted with thought that I hated them. I was too antisocial, because I didn’t go into a room with a cheery hello for everyone. I didn’t agree with what was said, but it got into my head, and I was left with the feeling that no one liked me because I wasn’t chipper enough, and I needed to change my whole personality. Because really, what it all came down to was that I was introverted and simply not as talkative as one or two people I worked with thought I should be.
The funny thing is, because I was upset about it, I went to a couple of people who knew me very well, and cared enough to be honest if I was doing something wrong. They told me that it was crazy. They said people didn’t think I hated them, and it was just the opinion of those couple of people, not that of the general public. These friends said that everyone they’d spoken to about me thought I was likable and made people feel welcome. I was a friend to the adults and a big sister to the kids. According to them, I had a very positive impact on the people I interacted with.
But which of these stuck with me? Which of these pops into my head at random moments? And usually those moments when I don’t need to hear more negative about myself...The original comments. The comments that say I need to change who I am. Words said by someone who didn’t know me and didn’t care about me (though she would have claimed different to both of those).
I still struggle with that. What is wrong with me? Do people really not like me? Am I really such a terrible person? I don’t know that I will ever completely forget it.
I guess at the end of this is the caution that your words do make a difference. You never know what little comment that you made without thinking will stick in someone’s head. If it isn’t constructive, don’t say it. Even if you think it could be constructive, look at how it will be received. Are you close enough to the person to really know if what you are saying is true? Are you speaking in anger? Is it really worth getting a jibe in if you’re going to make someone question if they are a good person or not?
There are a lot of positive things I have also had said to me that I remember. But the things that really leave an impact are often the negatives.

Day 2. Ten things that make me really happy

1. My “kids”. Cosette, Marius, and Leaf. Especially snuggling with them and seeing the way that Leaf and Marius still cuddle and play together even though Leaf has a new dog sister to hang out with.

2. Doing horse therapy with kids and seeing the difference it makes in their lives.

3. Snowstorms

 

4. Getting caught in warm rain showers.

5. A good middle of the night chat with friends.

6. Hiking. Especially with good company

7. The ocean

8. Photography. Especially when I have the whole day to spend taking pictures by myself

 

9. Writing a story that I get caught up in.

10. Giving gifts to the people I like. Or baking for them. Which is kinda like giving a gift to them.

Day 1: Introduction

I’ve been looking at various blog challenges and such to decide what I want to do. Should I do a 52 week blog which is one a week, or should I do a month long challenge with a blog a day? So many choices.
The one I decided on is a blog a day for the time that my folks are in FL. I’ll have a lot of time to myself, and writing will be a good way to fill that time. I’ll do my best to actually do a blog a day. And yes, I am going to be lazy and use this introductory blog as one of the days.
I combined a couple of challenges to get the correct number of blogs, hopefully I don’t have any that will be repetitive. At the moment though, it looks like my biggest challenge will be keeping my darling Marius off of the keyboard while I type. He likes how warm my laptop is. I’ll just have to take time to write while he is asleep. Although I usually take that time to get some knitting done. Basically he is a psycho when he’s awake and it’s too cold for him to spend the day outside.
Even if it is a bit of a challenge though, I need to spend more time writing. I haven’t done nearly enough of it lately, and that’s not a good habit to get into. I don’t plan to continue this daily writing when my parents are back, but hopefully I will at least be in a bit of a habit of writing, and will be more firm about making time to write.
I may post some other blogs during this time, which have nothing to do with the challenge. We'll see how ambitious I get :~)
Interaction would be great. Leave a comment. Let me know what you think. Let me know how I can improve my blog. Tell me something I should write about.

Happy(?) New Year

It’s New Year’s Eve. The first New Year’s Eve in quite some time that I’ve not known just what I’ll be doing at midnight. See, a few years ago, I started spending midnight on New Year’s Eve with my pony Gram. I don’t know why it started, but it was a very important part of my year. I would go to New Year’s parties, but leave in plenty of time to be home for midnight. I ended the old year and started the new year with Gram. And this is the first year without her.
The last few years, I’ve really made a point to appreciate that time that we specifically shared. She was old, at least late 30s, possibly even early 40s (which for any non-horse people is really old). I had been incredibly fortunate to have a pony who lived so long, and there was no telling how much longer she would be around. I’d already said goodbye to her multiple times, when she was in such rough shape that we didn’t think there was any way she would last another month. I’d even driven home from VT as fast as I could by myself so that I could say goodbye to her. But each time, she bounced back. And each time, I learned how much she meant to me. And every year, it became more important for me to ring in the new year with her.

Poor Gram...Over the years, she eventually got used to the fact that she had been saddled with a girl who was a night owl. The first few times I visited her in the middle of the night, she looked at me like I was entirely mental. Then she accepted it, and I think she even enjoyed our midnight chats. At least she enjoyed them when I didn’t turn on the lights and leave her standing there blinking like a startled owl. When I was younger, I would sneak out of the house at night to visit her. Nights when there was a full moon pulled me out there like nothing else could.
When I started going out there, I’d usually hop on Gram’s back. Sometimes we went for a ride, sometimes I just sat there, talking to her and petting her while she ate. The last few years though, as she grew older and less able to hold a rider, I would stand with her. I’d put my arms around her neck while she leaned against me. It was sort of a reversal of our roles. Sometimes she was laying down when I went out. She’d look up and start to get up, then realize it was just me again, and she would relax. I’d sit with her, rubbing her back, and talking to her again.

The whole ‘horse crazy little girl’ thing is such a cliche. Supposedly every little girl goes through that phase. I guess I just never outgrew it. I feel somewhat adrift at the moment though. I knew when I got Gram that she was old. I was 9 and she was over twice my age. But somehow I hoped that she would last forever. And now, there’s something huge missing from my life. One of the key players from my childhood isn’t there anymore. I have the memories, which I treasure, but I can’t go out and put my arms around her neck anymore. I’ll never just about topple over her neck when she decides to abruptly stop during one of our rides. I’ll never see her fall asleep while I groom her tail. And we’ll never ring in the new year together.
It’s a big regret of mine that I wasn’t there when she died. I know my parents were there, and that she wasn’t alone, but had people there who loved her. But I wish I’d been there for my best friend who was there for me always.
But if I had been there when she died, that would mean I’d have skipped this last trip to India, and Leaf and Marius would probably be dead right now. I know Gram liked Cosette when I brought her home last year, and I think she’d approve of Leaf and Marius too. So, yeah, I’m sad and I wish I could spend midnight with Gram, but I won’t sulk all night about it. Instead, I’ll ring in the New Year with my new kids, who mean so much to me. The new generation of animals who are much more than just “pets” to me. Call me crazy, I’m not bothered. I know what the animals in my life have meant to me over the years, and I am perfectly happy to spend time with them on New Year’s Eve.