The subject for today is
“Something someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”. Hmmm...That
opens a pretty messy can of worms. I could go with a good thing someone has
told me, or I could go with a bad thing.
The thing of it is, for most people, the bad sticks in your head a lot more than the good. It spins in there as you mull it over, wondering if you really are such a bad person. You can do more damage with your criticism than you can do good with your positive words. So I’ll give an example of that.
I had someone tell me a while ago that I needed to go to personal development training, because everyone I interacted with thought that I hated them. I was too antisocial, because I didn’t go into a room with a cheery hello for everyone. I didn’t agree with what was said, but it got into my head, and I was left with the feeling that no one liked me because I wasn’t chipper enough, and I needed to change my whole personality. Because really, what it all came down to was that I was introverted and simply not as talkative as one or two people I worked with thought I should be.
The funny thing is, because I was upset about it, I went to a couple of people who knew me very well, and cared enough to be honest if I was doing something wrong. They told me that it was crazy. They said people didn’t think I hated them, and it was just the opinion of those couple of people, not that of the general public. These friends said that everyone they’d spoken to about me thought I was likable and made people feel welcome. I was a friend to the adults and a big sister to the kids. According to them, I had a very positive impact on the people I interacted with.
But which of these stuck with me? Which of these pops into my head at random moments? And usually those moments when I don’t need to hear more negative about myself...The original comments. The comments that say I need to change who I am. Words said by someone who didn’t know me and didn’t care about me (though she would have claimed different to both of those).
I still struggle with that. What is wrong with me? Do people really not like me? Am I really such a terrible person? I don’t know that I will ever completely forget it.
I guess at the end of this is the caution that your words do make a difference. You never know what little comment that you made without thinking will stick in someone’s head. If it isn’t constructive, don’t say it. Even if you think it could be constructive, look at how it will be received. Are you close enough to the person to really know if what you are saying is true? Are you speaking in anger? Is it really worth getting a jibe in if you’re going to make someone question if they are a good person or not?
There are a lot of positive things I have also had said to me that I remember. But the things that really leave an impact are often the negatives.
The thing of it is, for most people, the bad sticks in your head a lot more than the good. It spins in there as you mull it over, wondering if you really are such a bad person. You can do more damage with your criticism than you can do good with your positive words. So I’ll give an example of that.
I had someone tell me a while ago that I needed to go to personal development training, because everyone I interacted with thought that I hated them. I was too antisocial, because I didn’t go into a room with a cheery hello for everyone. I didn’t agree with what was said, but it got into my head, and I was left with the feeling that no one liked me because I wasn’t chipper enough, and I needed to change my whole personality. Because really, what it all came down to was that I was introverted and simply not as talkative as one or two people I worked with thought I should be.
The funny thing is, because I was upset about it, I went to a couple of people who knew me very well, and cared enough to be honest if I was doing something wrong. They told me that it was crazy. They said people didn’t think I hated them, and it was just the opinion of those couple of people, not that of the general public. These friends said that everyone they’d spoken to about me thought I was likable and made people feel welcome. I was a friend to the adults and a big sister to the kids. According to them, I had a very positive impact on the people I interacted with.
But which of these stuck with me? Which of these pops into my head at random moments? And usually those moments when I don’t need to hear more negative about myself...The original comments. The comments that say I need to change who I am. Words said by someone who didn’t know me and didn’t care about me (though she would have claimed different to both of those).
I still struggle with that. What is wrong with me? Do people really not like me? Am I really such a terrible person? I don’t know that I will ever completely forget it.
I guess at the end of this is the caution that your words do make a difference. You never know what little comment that you made without thinking will stick in someone’s head. If it isn’t constructive, don’t say it. Even if you think it could be constructive, look at how it will be received. Are you close enough to the person to really know if what you are saying is true? Are you speaking in anger? Is it really worth getting a jibe in if you’re going to make someone question if they are a good person or not?
There are a lot of positive things I have also had said to me that I remember. But the things that really leave an impact are often the negatives.
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