The Shadow of Death

Being attached to dogs kinda sucks. Actually, it really sucks...You form an attachment to a creature that you know will not live as long as you, unless you have a tragically short life. And yet, we do it over and over again.

Shadow has been my boy for nearly 15 years. Though he technically belongs to my Grandparents, he latched on to me the first day we met, at the shelter where they got him. We went for a walk while Grama and Grampa went over the adoption paperwork, and after that, they never really had a chance to be his favourite people. I had that spot pretty well in hand.

We did obedience lessons, and dog shows. He was always the trouble maker in the class. I kind of tried to get him to behave, but overall, as long as we were having fun, that was ok. And he pretty well loved anything we did. Though, the teachers of the obedience class were not fans of Shadow. He didn't listen to them, and made them look silly any time that they tried to use him for an example. I thought it was pretty funny, and never scolded him for that kind of brattiness :~).

Shadow is getting old. He was young when we got him, but like I said before, we've been buddies for about 15 years. That's pretty old, especially for a dog his size. He's not huge, but he is a good sized dog.

He's been looking pretty rough. He has multiple tumours, including one on his leg that has caused his leg to swell, and bleed. He has dandruff, and bad breath (though, considering how much cat poop he usually finds to eat, his breath has never smelled all that great...), and he is a little gimpy. It really bugs me when people complain about the smell, or say that he is ugly. He is old. He is comparable to a human around 94 years old. I don't think I've seen a 94 year old human who looks as good as they did in their 20s or 30s... I always tell Shadow that he is my handsome boy, and I mean it. I love him, and I will always think that he is handsome no matter what.

Despite all of his problems, Shadow usually doesn't seem to realize that he is in such bad shape. He had lots of fun swimming in the river this summer, and he still insists that I take him for walks, trotting around like a much younger dog. Or at least trying to trot around. Going for walks with Shadow is like trying to take a toddler for a walk. He stops every three feet to sniff the new smells, and to investigate anything that looks interesting. He also tries to sneakily eat any cat poop he finds along the way...I hope your toddler never does that...

It's hard to watch Shadow go downhill. The vet has said that, at his age, surgery for his tumours is not really an option. He would likely not survive the surgery in the first place, and even if he did, it would be so hard on him that it wouldn't be fair. We've been told to give him a good life, and keep him happy and comfortable for as long as we can. So that's what we're doing.

Nothing lasts forever. Dogs' lifespans are even farther from forever than those of humans. It's hard to watch someone you love deal with physical problems. And it is even harder when you know those problems are merely the result of old age, and they are not anything that will pass except for through death.

It's easy to withdraw when we see signs of the end coming up. To say that it is too hard and to avoid the dog or even the person who is nearing death. It's also easy to fall into a pit of regrets, feeling bad for every time you maybe could have spent time with them and didn't. These regrets can be real, or they can be imagined things that your sad mind brings about. Wherever they come from, they are of no use. Regrets and withdrawal does nothing to help the one you are mourning. The nearness of their death is no easier on them than it is on you, and they need you near. So be there for them. And, as is a dog's nature, they will be there for you as well, and they will comfort you as you prepare for their death.