Do you have a family? Most likely. I mean, no matter how you feel about them, we pretty much all have family of some sort, whether blood or adopted.
Do you have a church family? That's not quite as common, but a lot of people do have that...
Now, which one of those comes first if you have to make a choice? I'm not even talking about major choices, such as "choose either your church family or your blood family, and we'll kill the other one". I'm just talking about whether you constantly skip family time to go to church events, or if your family is constantly dragging you away from church.
This mostly comes into play when you have a family who doesn't believe the same as you. They don't really even think anything of taking you away from church, because they don't see why it would be important. And sometimes, people in the church want you to spend more time at church, and less with your "heathen family", because it's healthier for you.
My parents and I went to our old church this morning. It's been something like 11 years since we left the church over some pretty major differences. I've been back a handful of times since then, and it's not really weird anymore. In fact, it's kinda fun to go back. But there was one thing said that is a belief of the pastor that I have never really agreed with. However, it is by far not one of the things that in any way contributed to us leaving.
He has always said that your church family comes before your blood family. And I disagree. I believe that your blood family comes first, no matter what. We were often a bit of a disappointment as far as youth group went, because Mom would only let us go occasionally. We usually just spent Sunday evenings together as a family. If was a little annoying sometimes, but it wasn't a big deal. I liked my family (still do, in case that sounded like it was only a past tense thing...). I enjoyed spending time with my church family, and my blood family. But there was a balance. Sometimes the balance was what I wanted, sometimes the balance was a result of my parents saying that, no, we'd been home all week and we were going to spend Sunday together. It was good for us, whether it was what we wanted that week or not.
I also believe that your family should come first even if they don't believe the same that you do. Especially if they don't believe the same that you do. Yes, it is more important to have a strong church family if you're not learning about your faith from your blood family. But there still has to be a balance. You can't just say, "Well, my family doesn't understand me, so I'm just going to stick with my church family, because they get me." Christianity is not about always sticking with people who believe exactly the way that you do. It is about learning, then going and sharing what you've learned. And what is the point of sharing what you've learned with the people that learned right along side of you? I have seen families where 1 or 2 kids become Christians, then use church as an escape from home. The rest of the family, those who think church is nonsense, then start to despise church, hating it for stealing away members of their family. There will be times where you will have to show that your family matters to you and you are willing to specifically choose them. Show that you have changed. Don't grumble about skipping church, and then sulk about staying home with your family. And for goodness sake, do not sit around making a big deal about how you would prefer to be at church, then go grab your Bible and sit there reading and screaming at anyone who tries to talk to you. This will only compound the belief that there is no point to church. You have to be even more aware of your witness, and how you make Christianity look to your family. You've probably heard that you may be the only Jesus that some people meet. That's a little overused sometimes, but it is true. You may be the one who convinces your family either that there may be something to the church thing you're talking about, or that they're better off not bothering with it.
It mostly comes down to balance, no matter what your family believes. You are supposed to go to church to learn and grow before going out into the world. You are not supposed to live at church, waiting for your next camp or next big worship service as you hide from the world. Your church family is important in your life, and you should always know that they are there to support your and vice versa. But they cannot be the only people you interact with. Just like your blood family can't be your only socialization (yes, I am lecturing myself now, as I don't interact with very many people outside of my family...).
What are ways that you have found to maintain a balance between your two families? Do you think your church family comes first? Or is it your blood family? Or a completely level balance between the two? Curious to see the thoughts of other people.
Now, which one of those comes first if you have to make a choice? I'm not even talking about major choices, such as "choose either your church family or your blood family, and we'll kill the other one". I'm just talking about whether you constantly skip family time to go to church events, or if your family is constantly dragging you away from church.
This mostly comes into play when you have a family who doesn't believe the same as you. They don't really even think anything of taking you away from church, because they don't see why it would be important. And sometimes, people in the church want you to spend more time at church, and less with your "heathen family", because it's healthier for you.
My parents and I went to our old church this morning. It's been something like 11 years since we left the church over some pretty major differences. I've been back a handful of times since then, and it's not really weird anymore. In fact, it's kinda fun to go back. But there was one thing said that is a belief of the pastor that I have never really agreed with. However, it is by far not one of the things that in any way contributed to us leaving.
He has always said that your church family comes before your blood family. And I disagree. I believe that your blood family comes first, no matter what. We were often a bit of a disappointment as far as youth group went, because Mom would only let us go occasionally. We usually just spent Sunday evenings together as a family. If was a little annoying sometimes, but it wasn't a big deal. I liked my family (still do, in case that sounded like it was only a past tense thing...). I enjoyed spending time with my church family, and my blood family. But there was a balance. Sometimes the balance was what I wanted, sometimes the balance was a result of my parents saying that, no, we'd been home all week and we were going to spend Sunday together. It was good for us, whether it was what we wanted that week or not.
I also believe that your family should come first even if they don't believe the same that you do. Especially if they don't believe the same that you do. Yes, it is more important to have a strong church family if you're not learning about your faith from your blood family. But there still has to be a balance. You can't just say, "Well, my family doesn't understand me, so I'm just going to stick with my church family, because they get me." Christianity is not about always sticking with people who believe exactly the way that you do. It is about learning, then going and sharing what you've learned. And what is the point of sharing what you've learned with the people that learned right along side of you? I have seen families where 1 or 2 kids become Christians, then use church as an escape from home. The rest of the family, those who think church is nonsense, then start to despise church, hating it for stealing away members of their family. There will be times where you will have to show that your family matters to you and you are willing to specifically choose them. Show that you have changed. Don't grumble about skipping church, and then sulk about staying home with your family. And for goodness sake, do not sit around making a big deal about how you would prefer to be at church, then go grab your Bible and sit there reading and screaming at anyone who tries to talk to you. This will only compound the belief that there is no point to church. You have to be even more aware of your witness, and how you make Christianity look to your family. You've probably heard that you may be the only Jesus that some people meet. That's a little overused sometimes, but it is true. You may be the one who convinces your family either that there may be something to the church thing you're talking about, or that they're better off not bothering with it.
It mostly comes down to balance, no matter what your family believes. You are supposed to go to church to learn and grow before going out into the world. You are not supposed to live at church, waiting for your next camp or next big worship service as you hide from the world. Your church family is important in your life, and you should always know that they are there to support your and vice versa. But they cannot be the only people you interact with. Just like your blood family can't be your only socialization (yes, I am lecturing myself now, as I don't interact with very many people outside of my family...).
What are ways that you have found to maintain a balance between your two families? Do you think your church family comes first? Or is it your blood family? Or a completely level balance between the two? Curious to see the thoughts of other people.
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| And to end it all, the most important thing is love. It ultimately isn't saying that one group is more important than the other, or that you love one side more. Love God, love people, love yourself. And I like Calvin and Hobbes and this picture makes me smile. |
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