Everyone knows that introverts don't like talking to a ton of people. We prefer to stay in our own little bubble, and it tires us to spend too much time on people.
My problem though, isn't so much during the human interaction (though that is a bit of a struggle). It comes afterward. When I over-analyse flipping everything. I think about what I said, and what I should have said. I think about stupid things that I maybe shouldn't have said, or jokes/sarcastic comments that were taken in the wrong context and perhaps made me look like a total idiot.
I wonder if I talked too much...Maybe I annoyed everyone. Maybe I talked to little, and everyone thinks I am a jerk who hates people (wouldn't be the first time an entire group of people thought that about me when I didn't have any negative opinion of them). Maybe I talked to the dog/cat/ferret/turtle/goldfish too much, and came across as a crazy cat lady (getting harder all the time to deny that label...).
I go over things I said so much that it completely messes with my head. I decide I don't want to hang out with those people again, because I am sure that this thing or that thing that I said has made everyone hate me/think I'm a child/think I need serious mental help. I remember conversations that happened years ago. Things that I doubt anyone else remembers at all. And I still cringe, and think that the other people involved in those conversations also think that I'm stupid.
Basically, I interact with people, and no matter how well it goes, I go home, feeling like a total moron, telling myself what I said that was wrong, and what I should have said instead. It isn't so much that it exhausts me, it's more that I tell myself each time that I can sound intelligent. I tell myself that I read, and I know a decent bit about a number of subjects. I know very well how to put words together and make sentences. And then I leave the house, or wherever I've been hanging out with people, and all I want to do is go home and lay in bed with my cats and dogs (who, by the way, think I'm brilliant), and hide my face from the world.
I know that I need to socialize, and spend time with people. If I forget it, my Mom is willing to remind me. But it is hard to build up the energy to actually do it when I know what the result will be. I do often enjoy the time with people, but worry so that I make things awkward or unenjoyable for others, so I tend to avoid it. Not the best way to handle things, but it makes life easier.
Now, usually, this would be the place where I'm supposed to give some 5-step plan or something like that, of how you can get over this problem if you are thus afflicted. But I'll be honest. I have no clue.
I suppose it could go something like this:
!. Start socializing more. You can never become a social butterfly if you never go out in society.
@. Use the words social, society, and socialize a lot more. That way, even if you only go out once every 3 months, you sound like you do a lot more.
#. Actually, don't. It makes you sound desperate. Like you have no idea how to socialize in the first place (which, if you are trying to fix the same problem I am, it is the truth. But there is no point to making it that obvious).
$. Actually go when you are invited to things. It doesn't matter if you have big plans of staying home and reading a book. Just plan to stay up late after getting home. The story will still be the same a few hours later. The same goes for watching tv shows. You can either catch the rerun, or find somewhere to find it online. Don't let media dictate when you go somewhere.
%. Decide that you do not care what other people think of you. This may be harder than it seems. There are some situations where I couldn't care less if I sounded stupid when I leave. I don't need to impress them, so I don't care. But in situations where I like the person/people, or I will be around them relatively often, I really care. No matter how often I tell myself I don't. But you need to learn to tone that down. You have to realize that, if people like you back, they won't mind if you're sometimes a little dumb. And really, you're probably not as dumb as you think you are. Do you remember every time your friends have been dumb? I don't. Which makes me feel like I am a lot more dumb than the average person. But I think it is more because I am so focused on if I look dumb, that I notice any little thing. I don't expect other people to be dumb, so I don't focus on those things.
^. Start focusing on the good from the evening. Did you tell a story that made everyone stop talking and pay rapt attention? Did you make a joke or comment that cracked people up? Did you have a deep, important conversation with someone? Think about those things instead of the things you said that fell flat.
&. Allow yourself to think about your interactions during the drive home. Make sure it doesn't interfere with your driving. Try to focus on the good, like in the advice above, but allow yourself to analyse the whole evening so that it doesn't just fester. But when you get home, pick up that book or turn on that movie that you were planning to read/watch earlier in the evening. Get your mind off of the evening, and especially off of the things you see as problems. Lose yourself in someone else's life and problems for a little while. The few hours after an event are usually when I do most of my analysing and kicking myself for being an idiot. If you take your mind off of it, it's like throwing your brain a raft when it's about to spiral down into the negative whirlpool. If you need a book suggestion for this step, check this out.
*Lather, rinse, repeat.
Basically, practice makes perfect. Or at least practice makes a bit better. You'll never improve your skills or teach yourself to not be so bothered about it if you sit in your house, reading your books (though, I am in no way slamming books. Reading is a great thing to do with your life.).
I wonder if I talked too much...Maybe I annoyed everyone. Maybe I talked to little, and everyone thinks I am a jerk who hates people (wouldn't be the first time an entire group of people thought that about me when I didn't have any negative opinion of them). Maybe I talked to the dog/cat/ferret/turtle/goldfish too much, and came across as a crazy cat lady (getting harder all the time to deny that label...).
Basically, I interact with people, and no matter how well it goes, I go home, feeling like a total moron, telling myself what I said that was wrong, and what I should have said instead. It isn't so much that it exhausts me, it's more that I tell myself each time that I can sound intelligent. I tell myself that I read, and I know a decent bit about a number of subjects. I know very well how to put words together and make sentences. And then I leave the house, or wherever I've been hanging out with people, and all I want to do is go home and lay in bed with my cats and dogs (who, by the way, think I'm brilliant), and hide my face from the world.
Now, usually, this would be the place where I'm supposed to give some 5-step plan or something like that, of how you can get over this problem if you are thus afflicted. But I'll be honest. I have no clue.
 |
| "I don't know..." |
!. Start socializing more. You can never become a social butterfly if you never go out in society.
@. Use the words social, society, and socialize a lot more. That way, even if you only go out once every 3 months, you sound like you do a lot more.
#. Actually, don't. It makes you sound desperate. Like you have no idea how to socialize in the first place (which, if you are trying to fix the same problem I am, it is the truth. But there is no point to making it that obvious).
$. Actually go when you are invited to things. It doesn't matter if you have big plans of staying home and reading a book. Just plan to stay up late after getting home. The story will still be the same a few hours later. The same goes for watching tv shows. You can either catch the rerun, or find somewhere to find it online. Don't let media dictate when you go somewhere.
%. Decide that you do not care what other people think of you. This may be harder than it seems. There are some situations where I couldn't care less if I sounded stupid when I leave. I don't need to impress them, so I don't care. But in situations where I like the person/people, or I will be around them relatively often, I really care. No matter how often I tell myself I don't. But you need to learn to tone that down. You have to realize that, if people like you back, they won't mind if you're sometimes a little dumb. And really, you're probably not as dumb as you think you are. Do you remember every time your friends have been dumb? I don't. Which makes me feel like I am a lot more dumb than the average person. But I think it is more because I am so focused on if I look dumb, that I notice any little thing. I don't expect other people to be dumb, so I don't focus on those things.
^. Start focusing on the good from the evening. Did you tell a story that made everyone stop talking and pay rapt attention? Did you make a joke or comment that cracked people up? Did you have a deep, important conversation with someone? Think about those things instead of the things you said that fell flat.
&. Allow yourself to think about your interactions during the drive home. Make sure it doesn't interfere with your driving. Try to focus on the good, like in the advice above, but allow yourself to analyse the whole evening so that it doesn't just fester. But when you get home, pick up that book or turn on that movie that you were planning to read/watch earlier in the evening. Get your mind off of the evening, and especially off of the things you see as problems. Lose yourself in someone else's life and problems for a little while. The few hours after an event are usually when I do most of my analysing and kicking myself for being an idiot. If you take your mind off of it, it's like throwing your brain a raft when it's about to spiral down into the negative whirlpool. If you need a book suggestion for this step, check this out.
*Lather, rinse, repeat.
Basically, practice makes perfect. Or at least practice makes a bit better. You'll never improve your skills or teach yourself to not be so bothered about it if you sit in your house, reading your books (though, I am in no way slamming books. Reading is a great thing to do with your life.).
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