Random things

 1. The Wizard of Oz creeps the heck out of me. I have no idea why, but it does more and more as I get older.

2. I sometimes dream in Portuguese. I understand a lot more than I can speak, so it’s all floating around in my head.

3. I always feel like a total hack when I am treated like an adult. I still feel like I should be at the kids’ table.

4. Speaking of things that creep me out…I love things like The Twilight Zone, which gives me chills, but isn’t something that will be brought to mind when I am walking around in the dark. I don’t want something that will genuinely scare me, and affect how comfortable I am in the dark.

5. Orion is my favourite constellation. It’s one that I have been able to see in each country I have been in. He stands out as a very noticeable constellation, and is a reminder to me in many ways of God’s faithfulness.

6. The 3 worst books I’ve ever read? The Count of Monte Christo, The Day no Pigs Would Die, and Lord of the Flies.

7. Going along with that, my top 3 books are: Les Miserables, Behind the Attic Wall (some random book we got at a flea market that is amazing), and The Last Battle.

8. I wish I could see what it was like to be different animals. I mean, things are so black and white to animals. There are good people, and bad people.

9. I prefer storms to sunny days most of the time. I like how much you can do on a sunny day, but I like seeing storms.

 10. My idea of a wonderful date would be if the guy planned in advance, and knew when there would be a meteor shower, or a night storm, and planned a picnic for then. Blankets, hot cocoa or tea, etc. Nothing fancy, just something with a little bit of thought. Then we could sit and watch the meteors or lightning, and just talk all night. Campfires are good for that too…

11. Even though I do a lot of my writing on the computer (especially here, where I don’t want to end up with the added weight of a dozen notebooks), I still like to write by candlelight. Not sure why. It’s just fun. (Yes, after reading 10 and 11, I do like fire. No, I am not a pyro...)

12. I still sleep with stuffed animals. Not that I have to. I do fine if I don’t have them along. But especially when I leave the country, I take at least 1 or 2 stuffed animals with me. Right now, I have Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes) that my sister crocheted for me, and an elephant.

 13. While I know my parents aren’t entirely perfect, I think that the way they raised us was pretty spectacular. Between homeschooling, and all of the traveling we did, my childhood was amazing. And it set the stage for who I am now.

14. Though I am often in jeans and a t-shirt or something equally casual, I am quite comfortable in a skirt, or a saree, and thoroughly enjoy dressing up and “being a girl”. I’m not keen on makeup, because it makes my face feel weird, and I always feel as though I’m going to smudge it, but I like nail polish, and having my hair done. For the things I do, jeans and a t-shirt are just more convenient, but I love chances to dress nicely.

15. While this may come as a shock to most who know me, I love early mornings. I really enjoy watching the sunrise. However, I also like to stay up quite late at night, and the 2 don’t go together so well.

16. I’ve learned to pretend that I am confident. Whether in conversation, or speaking in front of people, or whatever, I can make people think that I am not nervous at all. Even if I feel like a total idiot. It comes in handy.

17. I’ve realized that I write a lot about sheep when I am writing stories. And the ocean. Dunno why. And my stories tend to be a little on the dark side. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

18. I could spend hours and hours just sitting by the ocean, taking pictures, or journaling, or staring at the ocean. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. That, and a huge storm with loads of lightning.

 19. I love performance arts. Dramas, human videos, etc., and would love to have a chance to learn to do them better, and use them in ministry.

20. I have a really hard time trusting people, but it’s mostly because I have trusted people completely, and have been very hurt by them. So I decided not to trust anymore. But to be honest, it’s hard for me. I would rather just trust people without hesitation, and I sort of make myself not trust them. It’s messed up, I know, but I have my reasons for it. And I am working on it. 

The End...Or Was it Just the Beginning?

Yes, I am in a blogging mood today. It's my day off, and it is raining. So there you go. More reading material :~).
I was looking at my old phone a little while ago. The one from the States. I still use it, just not as a phone. I listen to music on it, or use it as a calculator or whatever.
This time I was looking at the calendar. I noticed that I had something scheduled for January 24th. Which, if you don't know, is the day that I left for India. What I had put as the name of the reminder was "The End". I'm not sure why I did that. I was probably in one of my freakouts, where I didn't know why the heck I was going to India. Ask my folks...I had a few of those. I think they were ready to kick me out of the house well before the 24th :~).
Looking at it now, "The End" seems a bit ridiculous. And melodramatic...I've of course never been called melodramatic...(that was sarcasm. There's no need to leave comments telling me how sarcastic I am). At the moment, I would call it the beginning. Not that I have been sitting around waiting for this to happen. I have been doing things, useful things even, but it is different here. I feel like I have been changing since I got here. Not in huge ways. Possibly not even in ways that others would notice. But ways that I notice. And some of those things are things that I have thought I should change for quite a while. But it's easy to stay the same when you are around the same people all the time. People who have an idea of how you should act, and how you should feel. It's very different when you are around people who do not know you at all.
I still have feelings of being inadequate. I feel like I will not be able to do enough here. I see the things that I am doing, and say, 'if only I could do more'. And I am sure there are areas where I could do more. But then someone will tell me what an amazing job I am doing, and what a difference I am making, and I realize that I am doing something worthwhile. I'm not just here to be another body on staff. I know this, but it's hard for me to really take hold of it.
I'm actually an adult here. Which is crazy... When I am around people at home, who have known me since I was a kid, or at least since I was a teen, I am still a kid in their eyes. Don't get me wrong...sitting at the kids' table at family meals is one of the things that I miss the most when I'm here. But actually being able to be a big part of a ministry, instead of just doing busywork so that I feel like I am helping, has been awesome. I feel like I am actually doing what God has called me to do, whereas at home, it often felt like I was trying, and just not getting any chances to do what God really had for me.
I am maturing in many areas. I'm still far from mature, which should come as no shock to anyone, but I can tell that inside, I am changing quite a lot. And it probably would never have happened had I stayed home. So I guess the 24th could be looked at as an end, but it was also a beginning. 

A tiny candle

Taking some time to read the news...I do that every once in a while, when I realize that I have no idea what is happening in the world. I never noticed just how much of the news I notice when it ison at home. Not having a tv makes it so that I have to make a bit of an attempt to see what is happening around the world.
And then I wonder why I bother. Is there nothing good happening in the world? Not according to any news site that I can find. I was reading the newspaper the other day when we were out to lunch, and in the whole paper, I found only one or two articles that were positive. And those were only about a paragraph long, while long articles were written about the drought, and farmers committing suicide, and women being raped just because they're women and they're walking around town. We kind of joked about it, but it's really not a good thing.
Where is the joy in the world? I know there is joy here, because I experience it. And somehow, I can't believe that I am the only person who derives joy from life. But looking at the internet, it sure does seem that way sometimes. And even looking at facebook, I often see people who are complaining about the things that they don't have, or the weather, or whatever rather than being happy about what they do have (even just the fact that they have a warm home to stay inside when the weather is bad).
There is joy in the world. There is joy in teaching little horse-crazy kids to ride. There is joy in snuggling with a little puppy, in having a late night talk with a friend around a campfire. There's joy in things that are big and little. Joy in changing someone's life in a huge way, and joy in simply bringing a smile to someone's face. Why can't people see the joy?
Reading through the news, I found one place that has positive stories. Though technically, they most likely wouldn't be called news. They would be feel good pieces put in there to make life look less bleak. msn.com has their "Pay it Forward" section. This is a story from it, and a really sweet story.

http://www.today.com/tech/bunny-lost-n-found-instagram-rescues-toddlers-toy-trash-1C8773767
It's good to stay informed about the world. To know what is happening. But it isn't good to let it drag you down. I have a hard time staying positive when it seems like the world is going downhill quickly. Mild depression is something I have struggled with a lot. I'm doing better with it, but still, when just reading the headlines makes me think there is no good in the world, I have to make a pointed effort to see that there is good.
So I take notice of small things that are lights in the darkness. Sometimes, the small things are the things you don't notice, but they are the things that you need to notice more than anything else. A tiny candle in a dark room so to speak.And if ever we need candles, it is when the world is at its darkest.
What is your candle?

Buffalo gals...just stay in tonight, ok?

I love those moments where you’re going through your day as though things are normal, and suddenly, you are in the right place at the right time. Something that wouldn’t have happened had you made slightly choices throughout the day. Choices that didn’t even seem like a big deal.

My plans changed a lot tonight. In the original plan, I would have had a ride home. In the plan that happened, I didn’t have a ride home, and ended up walking home around 10, after chatting with Mom.

I was debating on which way to take home, and chose one of the short cuts. It has sort of turned into my favourite way to take to between home and work. It is a walkway bordered on either side by slum type homes. As you get past the buildings, one side has a dirty, rather smelly waterway running alongside of it. I often see dogs and goats wandering along this path at all hours when I take it. Tonight though, as I was walking home, I saw something that was a little unusual. Well, first I heard it. The sound of hooves coming toward me, and a weird thrashing, and banging of metal. Then I saw them. A whole herd of water buffalo coming toward me. They are not an uncommon sight in parts of Ooty, but here, they were quite uncommon. And a little bit scary. There was not much room to get out of their way. They are usually calm and unthreatening, but they have massive horns, and they were moving quickly, seeming not to notice me. I counted as they went by. There were thirteen. Some were half grown calves, but most were full grown, with great horns. I tried to stand on the small wall at the edge of the walkway to avoid them, but then there was scrambling, and a calf jumped out of the waterway just a little way in front of me.

The last of the herd passed me (I thought), but there was still clanging and banging coming from ahead. I kept walking, not sure what was happening. A man standing by the end of the walkway called out, telling me that there was a buffalo stuck. He said it fell in, and he was telling me to be careful. He even came and walked with me around the buffalo.

There were two buffalo trapped actually. They fell in a narrow section of the waterway, and they had cement walls on either side of them. The space between the walls was only slightly wider than the buffalo, and the walls were just about up to their backs. The worst part of it was the pipes that were against the throat of the larger buffalo. She would try to push her way out, but each time, had to give up because she was strangling herself. The smaller one tried time and again to jump out, climbing on the larger buffalo, but could not get a proper angle to push herself out of the pit she was in.

I thought that the men who were standing around would try to rescue the buffalo, but they walked away after watching for just a moment. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t leave them there, but they were large, potentially dangerous animals, that were trapped firmly.

I walked back down to see if there was anything I could do. All I could think was that, to get them out, I would need a rope, and several people. Which I wasn’t likely to get at that time of the night. Or anytime to be quite honest. I couldn’t leave them though. Each time the bigger one attempted to get loose, she struggled for less time, and stood there wheezing for a longer time after.

The obvious thing to do was to try to move the pipes that held them trapped. I tried, not thinking it would do very much. I guessed that the men had already tried that.

To my surprise, the pipes moved with my first attempt. And they moved a good distance. Then I realized what a bad place I was in. I was directly in the path that the rest of the herd had taken. Chances were, they would leap out of the trench, and run straight for me. As soon as I thought of this, I ran back down the path and jumped into a small niche in the wall. Just a small recessed area that I thought might give me enough protection from the buffalo if they came running.

Fortunately for me though, they decided to follow the waterway, and came out farther away, heading the other direction.

So that was my tale of the night. Not something I have experienced before, and I am honestly ok if I don’t do it again. I hope they learn from this and stay away from that huge hole. I’m just glad I was in the right place at the right time. 

“I don’t understand”

One almost unknown character from the Chronicles of Narnia is a bear in The Last Battle. He is constantly saying throughout the book, “I don’t understand.” Anytime plans are made, he doesn’t understand them. But he knows when Prince Tirian comes to fight against the Calormene, that this is a cause worth fighting for. He may not understand fully, but he has faith. Faith that, if he is on Aslan’s side, he is where he is meant to be.

There are so many small things in the Narnia books that one almost doesn’t even notice, but they are things that really show the nature of God. And this is one that just struck me. It’s kind of funny, because it has probably been a year or two since I read The Last Battle, but it suddenly came to my mind as I was watching the movie of Prince Caspian.

The bear reminds me so much of the childlike faith that we are supposed to have. We can’t try to fully understand what God’s plans are. But we need to trust, and know who we are following. I know that sometimes I try to over-analyze things. I want to know what is happening, and why it is happening. And I need to stop that, and just be trusting. Stand for what I need to stand for, no matter if I understand or not.

And one of the best things about this bear is what happens at the end of the book. All of the characters have died in Narnia’s last battle (hence the name…), and they are in Aslan’s country, which is basically heaven. It says as the bear dies in battle, that he muttered one last time, “I don’t understand” and then he closed his eyes like a child falling asleep (kind of a paraphrase…). That part always makes me cry. But then, when they enter Aslan’s country, you see the bear again, and he has woken, and sees the fruit trees, something that he does understand. And we, when we are in Heaven, we will understand the things that we see there. It will not be just fruit trees, but it will be the wonder of God. And we will finally be at a point where we understand. Because God is like that. He is not one that wants his children to be confused. He wants us to understand. He has called us to him so that one day, we will understand. We will see him, and all will be made clear. What a lesson from a bear that was always confused.  

Filled with Emptiness

It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the colours of Ooty seem even more vibrant in this light, and I am sitting on a bus on my way to go get the ponies and bring them down to Ooty to start Leg Up-Hebron. As usual, I am the only white person on this bus. That always makes me laugh a bit.

It’s been a fun morning. First, I had to go to the market. Usually, I would wait til after 10 or so, when everything is open. But time was not a luxury I possessed this morning, so I went early.

As much as I hate towns, I love Ooty. Though it’s a big town (by my standards at least), it doesn’t feel so much like it is. The bustle and the people, dodging both foot and vehicle traffic, makes Ooty what it is. And this morning, walking around while much of Ooty still slept, felt like a new adventure.

I didn’t notice much difference at first, walking through town. There weren’t quite so many people, but things vary from day to day. But then I ended up on a section of road that was totally empty. For Ooty, this is quite strange. And it was peaceful. There were noises all around, but just in the bit where I was, there was a bubble of peace and quiet.

This all ended of course, as I got to the market. People were arriving by bus, and setting up their shops, or their stalls on the side of the street. Things were back to normal, but it was a wonderful start to a very hectic day. 

Change

Every once in a while, I ask myself why on earth I do horse therapy. Whether in the States, or in India. Why do I do it in general? Which is really a terrible question for me to ask considering that I’ve spent most of the summers since I was 12 doing horse therapy, and now it’s my job. But it’s true. Sometimes I start to question. There have even been times that I have said, “You know, I could give up doing therapy completely. It’s a lot of work, and I could stop. It wouldn’t be a big deal.” But that lasts about five minutes. Because then I remember why I do horse therapy. Why I have frozen my fingers off tacking up horses, or roasted half to death during a lesson. Why I’ve been stepped on or had to deal with an ornery horse, and still continued. It’s because it makes a difference. It’s because I see people who can walk better. I see people who are more confident than they ever thought they would be. I see people whose lives are changed because of their time spent with the horses.

And you know something? It is not just the riders who are changed. There is something therapeutic about the time that you spend with a horse. And the time that you spend with the riders who are coming for therapy. I have seen whole classes where every person in the ring is laughing, because one rider is so tickled by what they have managed to do with the ponies, and they start giggling, which sets everyone off. I’ve seen riders cheering on other riders who are nervous. I’ve seen real bonds being formed between rider and horse, rider and volunteer, volunteer and horse. And being part of something that is changing lives is not a thing that one can give up easily.

I’m looking through some therapy resources right now. It’s my belief that I will never be good enough at horse therapy, no matter what I do, and it is my duty to continue growing and learning. The more I learn, the more that I can be a benefit to the people I am working with. Looking at these websites makes me so excited for therapy to start. It’s been quite a while since I’ve done therapy. Pegasus ended just before Thanksgiving, so that’s the last time. And I miss it. That’s why I could never give it up. It’s like doing mission work. You go into it thinking, ‘I’m going to benefit these people. Their lives are going to be changed.’ And that’s true, and it’s a great thing to do. But you will get a benefit from it too. Sometimes you will have more of a benefit and a change than the people you think you are serving. Humility and constant learning are the important things that you can do.

So that’s why I would suppose that horse therapy will continue to be part of my life in some way, whether as a job, or just something I volunteer with. I doubt I’ll ever get away from it. Which isn’t a bad thing.