Ruth and random thoughts.

I absolutely love the book of Ruth. Such a short book, but so full. Every time I read it, I find something new that I haven't seen before. I mean, that's the way it is with any book of the Bible, but I notice it a lot more with Ruth. 
Last night, I was reading Ruth (though, if you haven't figured that out yet, you might as well not be reading this...). When Boaz meets Ruth, she asks him what she has done to find such favour in his eyes. He tells her that he has heard what she has done for Naomi since both of them became widows. The following verses are what he says to her:
Ruth 2:11b-12 "How you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”
I guess it caught my attention, because it was talking about her leaving her Mother and Father and her homeland. It sort of resonates. 
But how incredible would it be to make that kind of impact on people? That complete strangers know your story? Granted, the town was probably small, and everyone knew everyone's business, but really, most people would still look at Ruth as a foreigner, who was somewhere she had no business being. But Boaz saw why she had come, and honoured her and protected her because of that. 
And that makes me think of the story in Acts, where Paul is leaving the Ephesian elders, never to see them again:
Acts 20:36-38 When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.
I've sort of wondered since the first time I read that, if I will ever make such an impact. The elders weren't just kids crying because it was an emotional parting. They were adults; leaders of their community, and they were grieving, because they would not see Paul again. Will I make that kind of difference in the places I go? Not that I want to make people sad, but I want what I do to affect people, and last. Or rather, I want what God does through me to affect people. If it's just what I am doing, I might as well give up now. 
And how do I do that? How do I change lives? How do I let go of any agenda I might have, and throw myself wholeheartedly into the plans that God has for me? It takes thought and deliberation, I know that. Something to work on. 

Where is Home?

Home is here 

Home is right in front of me

A place where I belong

Where I’m supposed to be.

Guided by the moments

That make me who I am

Each step set in motion

And part of a larger plan 

I have to laugh when, in the same sentence, I refer to India as home, and the States as home. Where is home? Is my home in Forreston, IL? Is my home in Ooty? I referred to Townshend, VT as home, I have referred to Manaus, Amazonas as home. And I think each time I do, what makes someplace home?

My real home is not here. That’s why I can call anyplace I am home. Each place that I live is a temporary home as I continue on to my real home.

And, you know something? I have finally worked out what it is that truly makes someplace feel like home. See, it depends on how close I am to where God has me. It depends on how much I am doing for him, or how much I am doing only for myself.

For example, when I was living in VT, I called that home. For a while. Until it became abundantly clear that I was not supposed to be there. And that was the point that I stopped referring to it as home. The only place I felt at home was either at the church, or at the home of some friends from church. Because there, I was still growing with God through the teaching, and through fellowship and creating lasting friendships. But when I went back to the farm where I was staying, that’s what I called it; the farm. I never said I was going home. And if I slipped up and said home, I would deliberately change it. It wasn’t something I really made a choice to do, it just felt wrong to call it home.

But here, I hardly even notice how far I am from home (the US one). Oh, there are things that make me miss being there. Mainly family, or a couple of friends. Writing letters to a friend when really, I would rather drive to her house and sit for hours and talk about everything and nothing. Those things make me feel far from home. But then I get distracted by the things I am doing here, and I feel so at home here.

I know that even with the things that I miss in the States, I would not feel at home there right now. Oh, I could go for a visit, and it would be pleasant. Everything would be familiar, I’d be the right colour, right height, etc., etc. But it wouldn’t work. I would enjoy certain aspects of being there, but I would also feel lost.

Right now, Ooty is home. I don’t know how long that will last. I have decided though, to accept it as home until God moves me somewhere else. Things might not always go as smoothly as I would like, but it is home, and I will remain where I belong.

Trusting in...

(This is going to be a long story to explain a random thought process from the other day...)
I was thinking about trust yesterday, while driving Herc down the mountain. It's been a while since he's been driven, and even longer since he's been all the way to Ooty. For the most part, he was amazing. He acted like he drove every day. There were a couple of little things that he spooked at, but not much. Until we got to a point where a guy insisted that we stop so he could talk to me and ask where I was from and whatnot. We started off again, but Herc was a little weirded out by the brick road ahead of us. He seems to have some vision problems, and I think he wasn't sure if the darker brick was a hole, or a stream, or what. So he hesitated, looking at the bricks as though they were a volcano we were going to drive into. And that was when our problems began.
I was talking to him, and encouraging him to cross, when this guy jumped forward, and grabbed Herc's bridle, insisting that he would help us. Hercules panicked, not knowing why a stranger would be telling him what to do, and bolted, turning toward home and trying to get away from the man. I jumped down to grab Herc's bridle, and as soon as I was by his head, he started to calm. Until the man grabbed his bridle again. I was trying to calm Hercules, and tell this man to leave him alone, and trying not to get trampled by Hercules, who was terrified by the man. He had his head high, and was trying to run down the road to get away from him.
Finally, the man let go. I think I gestured with my stick as I snapped at him to let go of my horse, and, though I was not at all meaning to hit him, it seemed to make him realize I was serious with what I was saying. He let go, and I stopped Hercules, and put my arms around his head, talking to him and letting him know he was safe. I didn't have to hold him tightly, just sort of hug him and talk softly to him. As soon as he knew it was me that had him, he calmed, resting his head against my chest, seemingly happy to realize that he was with someone safe. We turned around, and he followed me without hesitation, across the bricks that had made him nervous in the first place.
After that, if something startled him, I just had to encourage him, and talk him through it. He would hear my voice, and know that there wasn't anything to be afraid of. Though, when the plastic bag flew through the air toward us, he was a bit freaked out.
So, that whole long story to say, I wish I could be like that. I wish I could trust like that. To say, 'ok, I hear this person's voice, and I know that I can trust them, no matter what.' To not be so distrustful, and scared of being hurt, but to just accept people without so many reservations. Not to be stupid and trust everyone, no matter what, but to trust the people that my heart tells me I can trust, instead of waiting every moment for them to hurt me.
I don't know...I guess this is a little random and rambling. Hope it makes sense. It makes sense to me.

Love, sweet love.

What is love that makes it so important to us? We write songs and stories about it. Most of our movies have at least some element of love in them, no matter if it is a superhero “guy” movie, or a children’s movie, there is love in some form in it.

I’ve been thinking about it, because I was thinking of stories I have written. Each one of them has something to do with love, even if it is a silly story about parents going overboard to protect their children, or a story of a duck who loves the ocean.

Why is love so important?

Perhaps it is because we have such a deep longing as humans for love. Even if someone denies that they desire love, you could pretty well guarantee that they are lying. You may be scared of love, scared of being hurt by it, but you still probably want to be loved.

I’m not talking only about romantic love. Other types of love are just as important and desirable. The love of a small child, who loves you unconditionally, just because you’re amazing. The love of a friend who knows everything about you, and still loves you dearly. The love of family, who protects you no matter what, because love is what holds a family together. Not just because you have to keep up appearances as a family, but because you truly love each other.

But why is it love that we are in pursuit of?

1 John 4:7-8 Beloved, let us love one another, for everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love.

As I was thinking about love, and why we are so adamant in our pursuit for it, this verse came to mind. Perhaps we are not truly looking simply for fulfillment of our emotional desires, but maybe we search so for love, because in truth, we are searching for God. Our hearts know that God is love, and so, even when we do not know that we are pursuing God, he is the desire of our hearts.

And each type of love that is in our lives is an example of the way God loves us, or the way we should love him. Like when you look at a little kid who loves you. They want to be with you, no matter what you’re doing. They just love you, without fail. And that is the way that I want to love God; the way that I am supposed to love him. Not only when he is doing huge things in my life, that make people take notice, but all the time. 

Random things

 1. The Wizard of Oz creeps the heck out of me. I have no idea why, but it does more and more as I get older.

2. I sometimes dream in Portuguese. I understand a lot more than I can speak, so it’s all floating around in my head.

3. I always feel like a total hack when I am treated like an adult. I still feel like I should be at the kids’ table.

4. Speaking of things that creep me out…I love things like The Twilight Zone, which gives me chills, but isn’t something that will be brought to mind when I am walking around in the dark. I don’t want something that will genuinely scare me, and affect how comfortable I am in the dark.

5. Orion is my favourite constellation. It’s one that I have been able to see in each country I have been in. He stands out as a very noticeable constellation, and is a reminder to me in many ways of God’s faithfulness.

6. The 3 worst books I’ve ever read? The Count of Monte Christo, The Day no Pigs Would Die, and Lord of the Flies.

7. Going along with that, my top 3 books are: Les Miserables, Behind the Attic Wall (some random book we got at a flea market that is amazing), and The Last Battle.

8. I wish I could see what it was like to be different animals. I mean, things are so black and white to animals. There are good people, and bad people.

9. I prefer storms to sunny days most of the time. I like how much you can do on a sunny day, but I like seeing storms.

 10. My idea of a wonderful date would be if the guy planned in advance, and knew when there would be a meteor shower, or a night storm, and planned a picnic for then. Blankets, hot cocoa or tea, etc. Nothing fancy, just something with a little bit of thought. Then we could sit and watch the meteors or lightning, and just talk all night. Campfires are good for that too…

11. Even though I do a lot of my writing on the computer (especially here, where I don’t want to end up with the added weight of a dozen notebooks), I still like to write by candlelight. Not sure why. It’s just fun. (Yes, after reading 10 and 11, I do like fire. No, I am not a pyro...)

12. I still sleep with stuffed animals. Not that I have to. I do fine if I don’t have them along. But especially when I leave the country, I take at least 1 or 2 stuffed animals with me. Right now, I have Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes) that my sister crocheted for me, and an elephant.

 13. While I know my parents aren’t entirely perfect, I think that the way they raised us was pretty spectacular. Between homeschooling, and all of the traveling we did, my childhood was amazing. And it set the stage for who I am now.

14. Though I am often in jeans and a t-shirt or something equally casual, I am quite comfortable in a skirt, or a saree, and thoroughly enjoy dressing up and “being a girl”. I’m not keen on makeup, because it makes my face feel weird, and I always feel as though I’m going to smudge it, but I like nail polish, and having my hair done. For the things I do, jeans and a t-shirt are just more convenient, but I love chances to dress nicely.

15. While this may come as a shock to most who know me, I love early mornings. I really enjoy watching the sunrise. However, I also like to stay up quite late at night, and the 2 don’t go together so well.

16. I’ve learned to pretend that I am confident. Whether in conversation, or speaking in front of people, or whatever, I can make people think that I am not nervous at all. Even if I feel like a total idiot. It comes in handy.

17. I’ve realized that I write a lot about sheep when I am writing stories. And the ocean. Dunno why. And my stories tend to be a little on the dark side. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

18. I could spend hours and hours just sitting by the ocean, taking pictures, or journaling, or staring at the ocean. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. That, and a huge storm with loads of lightning.

 19. I love performance arts. Dramas, human videos, etc., and would love to have a chance to learn to do them better, and use them in ministry.

20. I have a really hard time trusting people, but it’s mostly because I have trusted people completely, and have been very hurt by them. So I decided not to trust anymore. But to be honest, it’s hard for me. I would rather just trust people without hesitation, and I sort of make myself not trust them. It’s messed up, I know, but I have my reasons for it. And I am working on it. 

The End...Or Was it Just the Beginning?

Yes, I am in a blogging mood today. It's my day off, and it is raining. So there you go. More reading material :~).
I was looking at my old phone a little while ago. The one from the States. I still use it, just not as a phone. I listen to music on it, or use it as a calculator or whatever.
This time I was looking at the calendar. I noticed that I had something scheduled for January 24th. Which, if you don't know, is the day that I left for India. What I had put as the name of the reminder was "The End". I'm not sure why I did that. I was probably in one of my freakouts, where I didn't know why the heck I was going to India. Ask my folks...I had a few of those. I think they were ready to kick me out of the house well before the 24th :~).
Looking at it now, "The End" seems a bit ridiculous. And melodramatic...I've of course never been called melodramatic...(that was sarcasm. There's no need to leave comments telling me how sarcastic I am). At the moment, I would call it the beginning. Not that I have been sitting around waiting for this to happen. I have been doing things, useful things even, but it is different here. I feel like I have been changing since I got here. Not in huge ways. Possibly not even in ways that others would notice. But ways that I notice. And some of those things are things that I have thought I should change for quite a while. But it's easy to stay the same when you are around the same people all the time. People who have an idea of how you should act, and how you should feel. It's very different when you are around people who do not know you at all.
I still have feelings of being inadequate. I feel like I will not be able to do enough here. I see the things that I am doing, and say, 'if only I could do more'. And I am sure there are areas where I could do more. But then someone will tell me what an amazing job I am doing, and what a difference I am making, and I realize that I am doing something worthwhile. I'm not just here to be another body on staff. I know this, but it's hard for me to really take hold of it.
I'm actually an adult here. Which is crazy... When I am around people at home, who have known me since I was a kid, or at least since I was a teen, I am still a kid in their eyes. Don't get me wrong...sitting at the kids' table at family meals is one of the things that I miss the most when I'm here. But actually being able to be a big part of a ministry, instead of just doing busywork so that I feel like I am helping, has been awesome. I feel like I am actually doing what God has called me to do, whereas at home, it often felt like I was trying, and just not getting any chances to do what God really had for me.
I am maturing in many areas. I'm still far from mature, which should come as no shock to anyone, but I can tell that inside, I am changing quite a lot. And it probably would never have happened had I stayed home. So I guess the 24th could be looked at as an end, but it was also a beginning. 

A tiny candle

Taking some time to read the news...I do that every once in a while, when I realize that I have no idea what is happening in the world. I never noticed just how much of the news I notice when it ison at home. Not having a tv makes it so that I have to make a bit of an attempt to see what is happening around the world.
And then I wonder why I bother. Is there nothing good happening in the world? Not according to any news site that I can find. I was reading the newspaper the other day when we were out to lunch, and in the whole paper, I found only one or two articles that were positive. And those were only about a paragraph long, while long articles were written about the drought, and farmers committing suicide, and women being raped just because they're women and they're walking around town. We kind of joked about it, but it's really not a good thing.
Where is the joy in the world? I know there is joy here, because I experience it. And somehow, I can't believe that I am the only person who derives joy from life. But looking at the internet, it sure does seem that way sometimes. And even looking at facebook, I often see people who are complaining about the things that they don't have, or the weather, or whatever rather than being happy about what they do have (even just the fact that they have a warm home to stay inside when the weather is bad).
There is joy in the world. There is joy in teaching little horse-crazy kids to ride. There is joy in snuggling with a little puppy, in having a late night talk with a friend around a campfire. There's joy in things that are big and little. Joy in changing someone's life in a huge way, and joy in simply bringing a smile to someone's face. Why can't people see the joy?
Reading through the news, I found one place that has positive stories. Though technically, they most likely wouldn't be called news. They would be feel good pieces put in there to make life look less bleak. msn.com has their "Pay it Forward" section. This is a story from it, and a really sweet story.

http://www.today.com/tech/bunny-lost-n-found-instagram-rescues-toddlers-toy-trash-1C8773767
It's good to stay informed about the world. To know what is happening. But it isn't good to let it drag you down. I have a hard time staying positive when it seems like the world is going downhill quickly. Mild depression is something I have struggled with a lot. I'm doing better with it, but still, when just reading the headlines makes me think there is no good in the world, I have to make a pointed effort to see that there is good.
So I take notice of small things that are lights in the darkness. Sometimes, the small things are the things you don't notice, but they are the things that you need to notice more than anything else. A tiny candle in a dark room so to speak.And if ever we need candles, it is when the world is at its darkest.
What is your candle?